Alyson Schafer - Parent Expert

Tickets for Alyson's March 4th Talk In Keswick

Come join me for a dynamic talk on my parenting philosophy and discipline methods in dealing with today's "discipline-resistant child" as I present the information in my latest book "Honey, I Wrecked The Kids".  

There will be time for a Q & A and book signing too! An informative and entertaining night to help you amp up your parenting.  Here are the details:

When: March 4th 2010

Where: St Thomas Aquinas HS ( old homestead Rd at Metro Road) in Keswick

Time: 7pm - 9pm

Tickets:  $10 by emailing stafundraiser@live.ca

Why You Shouldn't Say "I'm So Proud of You".

Yesterday, at a mom's group I was speaking about "praise" versus "encouragement".  Typically, parents agree they want to encourage, NOT praise, but inevitably someone will ask me "can't I say I'm proud of you? What's so wrong with that?"

Parents can't seem to imagine dropping this seemingly vital comment from their repertoire.

Well, today my 14yr old daughter gave me a peek into the child's perspective on this when she said to me "Mom, I am so glad you don't say I'm proud of you".  I said "Really? Why is that?" She said "you know how I was trying to get fit and lose some weight? I just told Zoe (her sister) that I lost 2lbs this week and she smiled and said "I'm so proud of you!" and it felt awful. It made me feel like she really does want me to lose weight and be thinner. That she doesn't think I am okay at this weight".

I listened and replied "But I was excited too when you told me about your weight loss. Do you feel I'm judging you too? She answered "No, mom, what you said was totally different.  You said you were excited for me and my accomplishments that I worked hard on. You said you were happy that I got what I was going for.  I loved hearing that support and belief in me".   

I asked Lucy's permission to share her perspective with my parent readers.  I hope some of you feel better dropping the "I'm so proud of you" line now too.   Gosh, I hope Zoe doesn't feel badly reading this. I know she was not intended to make her sister feel badly.  She didn't know the power and message of those words, just like most parents don't. 

Frazzled By Motherhood? My 3 picks for books.

 Today on The Parenting Show I shared three great books for dealing with the dizzying impact of motherhood.  Of special note is Dr Ariel Dalfen's book on post partum depression and post partum anxiety ( PPD and PPA).  

I also recommended Dr John and Julie Gottman's book:  "And Baby Makes Three".  The Gottman's offer a great guide for helping your marriage survive the transition from couple to family and dealing with a baby.  

Yes, I did include my own title: "Breaking The Good Mom Myth".  How could I not?

Mommy, Mommy, I want to be in the Olympics too!

Have you been watching the Olympic coverage as a family? Perhaps you have a child who has been bitten by olympic fever. Check out this article on the CTV.ca Olympic site where I was interviewed about how to respond to your child's new Olympian dreams! 

Divorced? What Your Children Really Want For Valentine's Day

Its coming up to Valentine's Day and lots of articles are being written about ways to show your love. Here is an excerpt from "Helping Children Understand Divorce" by University of Missouri that might give you some ideas about what the children of divorce really want:  

What I Need From My Mom and Dad -  A Child's List of Wants: 

• I need both of you to stay involved in my life. Please write letters, make phone calls, and ask me lots of questions. When you don't stay involved, I feel like I'm not important and that you don't really love me. 
• Please stop fighting and work hard to get along with each other. Try to agree on matters related to me.  When you fight about me, I think that I did something wrong and I feel guilty. 
• I want to love you both and enjoy the time that I spend with each of you.  If you act jealous or upset, I feel like I need to take sides and love one parents more than the other. 
• Please communicate directly with my other parent so that I don't have to send messages back and forth.
• When talking about my other parent, please say only nice things, or don't say anything at all.  When you say mean, unkind things about my parent, I feel you are expecting me to take your side. 
• Please remember that I want both of you to be a part of my life.  I count on my mom and dad to raise me, to teach me what is important, and to help me when I have problems. 

Alyson's "Tell-All" Interview with ParentDish.com

Shelley White of ParentDish.com recently interviewed me for her blog. Usually when I am called by a journalist they want to ask me about something topical like how to potty train, or tips on choosing a summer camp.  

Weirdly enough, Shelley ask me about my parenting and life as a parent educator. What the!?!  If you want a peak at the "tell-all" tale of how I screwed up with the tooth fairy and swimming lessons, check it out here.  Oh there was so much more dirt that could have been unloaded.  Thanks for taking the hush money Shelley. Phew - PR crisis averted.

"Power Struggles - Who's In Charge Here Anyway?" - Alyson's Feb 25th Talk

 If you are struggling with eating issues, bedtime or homework resistance, trouble getting out the door, melt downs and blow ups, acting out, belligerence or "attitude" - this talk is for you!  I'll help you understand the nature of power struggles and techniques for getting out of them.  But I'll make it all funny...

Date: Thursday Feb 25th 2010

Where: Temple Sinai - 210 Wilson Avenue ( 1 1/2 blocks west of Avenue Rd ) 

Time: 7:30 reception & book signing followed by talk from 8pm - 9:30.

Cost: $15 in advance, $20 at the door

Tickets: Through Marcie Goldberg in the Temple Sinai Education Office at 416-487-3281 or marcie@templesinai.net ( Visa and MasterCard are both accepted.)

How Much Sleep Should They Be Getting By Age?

 Tomorrow (Feb. 7th) on The Parenting Show, guest co-host Jacqueline Kovacs and I will be talking about sleep issues.  You can call with your questions, live at 2pm EST (1-877-222-5310).  Since I often get asked "how much sleep should my child should they be getting?" I thought I would post some guidelines by age on my site.  Please remember that every child is different. These ranges are the norms after observing large groups of children. Honour your child's unique sleep needs.

newborns: 16 -20 hours a day

3 weeks: 16 - 18 hours

6 weeks: 15 - 16 hours 

4 months: 9 - 12 hours, plus two napes ( 2 - 3 hrs each)

6 months: 11 hours, plus two naps (1 1/2 hours - 2 1/2 hrs each)

9 months: 11 - 12 hours, plus two naps ( 1 - 2 hours each)

12 months: 10 - 11 hours, plus two naps (1 - 2 hours each)

18 months: 13 hours plus one or two naps ( 1 -2 hours each)

2yrs: 11 - 12 hours, plus one nap ( 2 hours) 

3 yrs: 10 - 11 hours, plus one nap ( 2 hours)

4-5yrs: 10 - 12 hours (usually no nap) 

6-9yrs: 10 hours

10 - 12yrs: > 9 hours

Teens: 8 - 9.5 hours

Tickets for Thursday Feb 4th Book Talk with Alyson

Watcha doing Thursday night?  Sorry for the short notice, but I am giving a talk at North Toronto Early Years Learning Centre and there is enough room for me to extend an invitation to other parents in the community! 

Feb 4th - "Honey I Wrecked The Kids" ( Followed by a Q&A)

7 - 9pm

North Toronto Early Years Learning Centre 

27 Castlefeild Drive, Toronto 

Tickets are $10 in advance / $15 at the door ( a portion of the proceeds will go to Charity)

email early.years@bellnet.ca or call 416-544-0133