Alyson Schafer - Parent Expert

Tips For Surviving The Holidays With Kids

Yikes, those holiday invitations are starting to pour in and the mall has their decorations up.  Like it or not, its time to think about the holidays. I wrote my tips on surviving the holidays with children on my guest blog post for the good folks at Parent Tested Parent Approved. Check it out. 

How Do You Handle Homework Struggles? Join My On Line Discussion

I hate homework. I think it contributes to the eroding health of our families.  One couple in Calgary have taken the homework ban to a new level.  The Globe and Mail reports that the two Calgary parents who are lawyers, drew up a legal contract with the school banning their children from homework- for life!  This article created such a stir today that the Globe and Mail have asked me to moderate an on line chat with readers tomorrow (November 19th) at noon EST.  Catch me here with you comments and questions about the homework battle in your home.

Buy Your Tickets to Alyson's Nov 10th Talk on Discipline (Toronto)

Come hear me speak about how to discipline without using either punishment or rewards as coercion tactics. Bring your questions to the Nov 10th talk at Sunnybrook Hospital and I promise to give pragmatic techniques to theory-weary parents who just want to know "what do you do it when ...." the democratic way!    

Tickets and details here.  Books will be on sale and I'll happily sign following the talk.  Hope to see you there! If you can't make it, let your friends know. I only give a few public talks a year I hope you can make it!

Tired of Always Saying "Good Job" ?

I teach parents to NOT say "good boy/girl" because its flat out praise, and praise is not good for children.  But if we can't say "good boy", what are we gonna say when our child takes his plate from the table and puts it on the counter? How do we acknowledge when they hang their coat up on a hook?

I know! We say an encouraging substitute phrase "good job!"  

The trouble is that parents say "good job" about 100 times a day! They say it as much as praising parents say "good girl".  

Good Girl : Good Job -- Tomato : Tom-aaaah-to.  No difference really.

If all our children hear is "good job" I am pretty sure its not very encouraging anymore.  So blah, so generic, and clearly doled out only when the child did something we are judging in someway. Perhaps its becoming a praise statement just with sheer usage and intent.  

I suggest if you want to be sure you are responding in encouraging ways, drop the robotic "good job" crap, and instead try to get really descriptive.  Be encouraging by sharing with your child what you're noticing, how you appreciate their contributions and how its helpful to others.  

Here are some suggestions to give you the idea:

"Thanks for bringing your plate to the counter without being asked, I really appreciate you helping keep our house tidy".

"You put your coat right on the hook! That makes our front foyer look so much tidier doesn't it? Such a help.  Thank you" 

"You really care about your room, you keep it so tidy and organized its a pleasure to play in here". 

When it comes to encouragement, more is better than less.  Drop the pre-fab cornball phrases and really get authentic with you children.