Text Messaging Can Be Beneficial

Yesterday, I appeared on CBC's Newsworld to discuss text messaging in light of the recent trial for the stabbing death of 14 yr old Stephanie Rengel.  I am worried that parents who aren't tech-savvy will freak out and take a clamp down stance on teens.  Let's face it, as a culture we hold this systemic mistrust of teens, so when any deviant teen activities make the news parents mistaken ideas are re-enforced further. 

Teen expert Sarah Newton advices we don't "track teens on-line activity" and I agree.  Opening dialogs and building trust ( in the Rengel case, about the nature of love, jealousy and controlling relationships) is where to focus your energies.   

My teen girls are more receptive to chatting about very charged or sensitive issues by instant messaging with me or their dad.   It allows me to send them to links about teen issues, AIDS, relationship abuse, knock out drugs etc... that are specifically geared to teens and say things like "have you seen this?" " Did you know - that?  Is sure shocked me!" "Do you know anyone with that problem?"

But there are other texting benefits too: 

*teens hanging out with their friends are embarrassed when you call about ANYTHING (are you a momma's boy?) but you can text to ask things like "when will you be home" or "what day is your ortho appt?" and since texting is private they have no problem answering you.

*parents often have a "tone" in their voice that invites "tone" back.  Texting tends to remove those and the hostile body language triggers teens and parents alike. 

*you are communicating in a style your child prefers.  They grin when you text "OMG - this meeting at work is going on and on and on!!!!" You seem human and reachable.

*writing adds that small gap of time that allows people to think and compose rather than react.  We backspace and chose our words, composing a reply that is less reactive than what might have come out of our mouths in the heat of the moment.  More of the salient points and less of the dissin' get communicated.

*and my favorite: love notes!  My teens say the NICEST things to me in their text messages. "I love you mommy" is the best note to get from a 15 yr old.  They are far more likely to type it than say it.  

Comments

[Amy]

I'm not particularly worried about texting. I'm a bit surprised that people are making an association between the nature of this crime and the technology used to plan it. A bit surprised... not very.

What freaks me out about this story is what Christie Blatchford reported on the weekend; apparently the girl who masterminded this murder wrote a lovely little essay about what it means to be a good citizen: "Citizens should obey the laws and respect the rights and freedoms of others", she wrote. Something is horribly wrong when she can bleat out this stuff without anyone checking to see whether she actually understands it or believes it. Talk about a failure of the education system.

[Jill Walker]

I'm with you. I believe that if I try to shelter my children from the ever changing technology, the songs with the ever more graphic lyrics, the provocative music videos and all, it will backfire and my kids will rebel and possibly get into things they aren't ready for. Instead I choose to educate them, and myself. I listen to their music, I read the books they are reading...being in touch with what they are into gives me conversation starters that I can work a lesson or wisdom into. My reward is how open they are with me :)

Awesome article!