There is often confusion around the word praise. Should we praise our children or not? Research shows that praise is demotivating and limits our children. It stimulates a goal of perfectionism that comes at a big cost to our children. Encouragement on the other hand, spurs our children on, because encouraged children are comfortable making mistakes. They actually enjoy the learning process!
This clip ( 3:42) does a super job of explaining this phenomena, but again we see confusion in the use of the language. These women use the term "praise of effort" for what I and my fellow Adlerians would call "encouragement". I wish all the professionals would get on board with the same language so we don't further confuse parents who are trying to make sense of all this!
Loved this clip. I have send the link to many mom friends!!! Thank you.
Colette
Posted by: colette annetts | January 09, 2009 at 02:07 PM
This is exactly what we needed to see right now with regards with our son. Thanks! I will be sharing it with my friends also. Their video 'Embracing Kid's Failures' is very useful also. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6Y5j5sMs8w&feature=related
Posted by: Sekey | January 10, 2009 at 12:16 PM
This is a helpful video.
Regarding terminology, I agree that it would be nice if everyone used the same language. However, in this case I prefer "praise of effort" rather than "encouragement". I think of praising the child's character and praising their effort as very close to each other -- I really have to think about what I'm about to say when I comment on something my kid has done. It's a very subtle distinction (for me anyway). Using the two "praise of" labels respects that subtlety while making it easier to understand the distinction. So when I start to say something to my child I can easily think "Am I going to praise her character or praise her effort?" and then correct myself if it's the former. Whereas "encouragement" it seems like a much more nebulous thing which I don't really feel like I understand.
Perhaps part of the problem is that "encouragement" is a larger set of behaviours which include praising effort as well as other things? (I'm not sure if that's true.)
Posted by: Amy | January 13, 2009 at 02:27 PM
Amy, you make such a good point. I am glad you took the time to post this comment. YES - encouragement is a larger concept. Maybe so large it becomes unruly to explain and could better be broken down eh?
I am not married to any one word / term - but it sure makes it hard to create meaningful dialogue when we don't have language agreement.
I am just finishing Malcolm Gladwell's new book "Outliers" and according to one section of argument he makes, having a sense of "entitlement" in children is healthy. When I hear his arguments / description of "entitlement" ( and he also mentions the language confusion) I am totally on board with the benefits of this "mindset" or "quality" but if I were to start blogging: "an attitude of entitlement is good" people would fall off their chairs! :)
Semantics eh?
Alyson
Posted by: Alyson | January 13, 2009 at 06:58 PM
Thank you for this interesting clip. I work with parents and their children and we are doing a workshop "Not in Praise of Praise" and would love to show this clip. Will it still be available on line on Feb. 4th when I present this challenging subject? Any suggestions on making the subject clearer to understand for parents?
Thanks again.
Posted by: Lynne Brown | January 22, 2009 at 10:24 PM
I was wondering if you could give me the link or site where I can find the carol dweck article or study, like in an academic journal?
Thanks!
Posted by: Julia | November 27, 2009 at 11:25 PM
Try here:
https://www.stanford.edu/dept/psychology/cgi-bin/drupalm/cdweck
Posted by: Alyson Schafer | November 29, 2009 at 09:52 PM