Alyson Schafer - Parent Expert

Watch Alyson On The Web

The Parenting Show posts past episodes on the web at the Roger's site if you would like to send favorite show to a friend out of area or to watch an episode you missed. You can search by topic. Enjoy!

Encouraging Children To Learn

Encouraging Children To Learn ( by Don Dinkmeyer and Rudolf Dreikurs) is the best book on the encouragement process that I have read yet. There are many concrete examples for parents and teachers. I hope you'll pick it up.

Fall Family Hikes

I am big believer in getting children out into nature. With fall here its a perfect time for a family hike. We don't spend near enough time together as family in "non-time-stressed" unstructured activities together. I camp every summer with my girls, and in the fall and winter I have found the day-long hikes through Family Paddling Adventures to be just awesome (If you dig around their site you'll bump into a few pictures of me.) I recommend you check them out and create a great family memory.

Food Issues on The Parenting Show (Sept 29)

That's my vegetarian daughter Lucy, as a baby, eating her beloved spaghetti. Monday (Sept 29) we're talking about kids and "Food Issues" on The Parenting Show. If you a question for me, give me a call at 2pm. 1-877-222-5310. ( Toronto viewers will be able to get the The Parenting Show shortly - Roger's TV fall launch is later in different regions)

Regina School Incident Has Me Wondering.

I just finished reading the Globe and Mail's reporting of a school incident that took place in Regina. An expelled student burst into morning chapel and while holding a gun, demanded that his 4 pages of grievances be read out to the 460 people assembled. The rest of the article describes the heroism of the teacher who wrestled the fire arm free ( a C02 pellet gun) and the horror of the children, and finale "It just goes to show this could any where anytime".

My question: What was in those 4 pages of grievances?

Throwing our hands in the air and saying " he is mentally or a behaviour case" misses the point that children arrive at that point of dysfuntion only after years and years of being misunderstood and their for mistreated by peers and authorities.

So - we expel them. Where do we think they go? To Grey Hound Buses.......

If you are starting to feel that "this could happen anywhere" then maybe we are finally thinking community minded enough to know that all people in our community need to feel they belong and are cared for by their fellowman; that we need to fully resource schools and train teachers so we respond to children who are clearly acting out in ways that show their pain from the earliest of ages, and teach students about inclusivity and differences so that they can create a culture of caring with their classmates. How many children does it take to make a school bully? One to play the role of the bully, and a community exclude him until he snaps.

I want to read that note.....

Still Some Spaces Left In Alyson's Parenting Bootcamp

My next Parenting Bootcamp weekend is fast approaching. If you are free the weekend of October 4th and 5th, why not sign up and learn the primer on discipline for children 0 - 10yrs old. Here is a testimonial of one student grad that says it all! (Sorry I cut off half of Eren's head, guess I was distracted by what wonderful things he was saying!

"School" is the Topic on The Parenting Show ( Monday Sept 22)

School is back in, and no doubt some things have come up you might want to discuss. Join us on The Parenting Show Monday Sept 22 at 2pm when we'll take your questions or comments about school related issues: School yard bullying, how much home work is too much? They keep missing the bus! Is this teacher too autocratic?

Give me a call with your question or comments:

Time: Monday Sept 22 at 2 pm
Channel: Rogers TV
Phone Number: 1-877-222-5310

Research and Links on Why Spanking Is Harmful

I am a supporter of the Repeal 43 committee which is fighting to improve the spanking laws in Canada. It is still legal to strike a child in this country. The committee just emailed me to let me know they've got a new updated website. If you are looking for information on line to convince your spouse, in laws, or others that spanking is NOT OKAY, you'll find lots of information, research, links and organizations to help you win the argument. Why not join them in their crusade?

Getting Children To Stay At The Table

Today, I was speaking at Research In Motion ( RIM) in Waterloo about power struggles. During the Q & A after my talk, an attendee asked me: "How do you make them stay at the table?" I get that question a lot. While many families no longer force their children to eat (horray!) they might require them to stay at the table until everyone is done. Except, they fail at actually getting them to stay!

Do you demand attendance at the table until the end of the meal? Do you scream at your children: "This is family time, dammit, and we are all going to sit here and love one another even if it kills us! Now get your butt back on your chair mister".

I love the idea of family meal time and think its important to "break bread" together. But forcing children to stay at the table will not achieve that "happy family" time you aspire to create. Instead you'll get whining moaning and other misbehaviors that sabotage your efforts. We don't want to invite power struggles.

Instead of making attendance mandatory, I suggest you excuse anyone who wants down, and then work to create a fabulous family dinner atmosphere that attracts your children to come back or to stay. Stop harping on about what they are eating and the crap that happened at school. Instead "socialize". Its a dinner party!

Can you stop "parenting" long enough to just enjoy the company of your children? That is what its about isn't it? Here are some ideas for questions that you can use to get the conversation rolling. I promise - you'll draw a crowd with these:

1. What is your all time favorite movie and why does it have special meaning for you?
2. What is your favorite book? what in it has personal meaning for you?
3. What is the funniest thing that ever happened to you?
4. What is the silliest thing you have ever done?
5. What is something you hate to do? What do you hate about it.
6. If you could be a super hero or fictional hero / heroine, who would you be? why?
7. Do you like your name? if not what would pick instead?
8. How do you feel about nick names? Know any good ones? What would you pick for yourself? Why?

These are just a few ideas to replace the ole "do you have homework tonight?" or "when are you going to write that thank you card to grama for your birthday present?" Gee, I'd be running from you too!

If you have a good dinner table vibe going - share with others what makes it happen for you.

Discipline Do's and Don'ts On The Parenting Show (Mon Sept 15)

The Parenting Show begins its 4th season on Rogers Television this Monday ( Sept 15th). Our topic is "Discipline Do's and Don'ts" and we welcome back our regular guest, Jacqueline Kovacs from Today's Parent Magazine. Give us a call with your discipline question! Here are the details:

Date: Monday Sept 15th
Time: Live at 2pm
Number: 1-877-222-5310

Resources for Teachers

Yesterday I posted about my frustration with the media. They fuel the public with reasons to be discontent with how the education system fails boys, but they neglect to inform parents, teachers and administrations on what we can do to improve matters. Well for starters, I recommend you mention these two great resources:
1) Barry MacDonald's book Mentoring Boys which I have mentioned before, but also visit his site and sign up for his newsletter.
2) Responsive Classroom which also has a free newsletter, a book catalogue called "Exceptionally Useful Books for Teachers" that has great titles like: The first six week of school, The Morning Meeting Book, Creating Rules with Students and more. They have teacher workshops too.

More Reasons to Worry About Boys and School

NewsWeek reported on boys and education this past week. If you have a moment, give it a read, then help me understand what exactly we can do to start bringing about change instead of always reporting on the problems!

Teaching The Birds and The Bees To Little Children

"Mommy. Where do babies come from?"

Do you have your answer ready? Here are your choices:

A) A stork drops them off at the door step.
B) They grow in a cabbage patch.
C) They come from a fertilized egg, only its not like the eggs we get at the grocery store. This is a very special tiny egg that mommy's have inside them. It is fertilized by tiny sperm which daddy's have. That is why every baby is made up of part mommy and part daddy! The fertilized egg grows in a special place in mommy called a uterus. Its takes 9 months for the fertilized egg to grow and grow and grow until its a baby that is ready to be born!

I hope your answer is c). Doesn't that sound as exciting as dinosaurs and volcanos? Well, its about the same for children so don't get all caught up in your own adult taboos. Just give them the info and try to look like you are not crapping your pants at the same time.

PS - This will be the first of MANY talks. Next they'll want to know how that sperm got there. Are you ready for that?

Alyson's Workshops In South Carolina

I'm off to South Carolina at the end of the month ( Sept 26,27 & 28) to conduct two work shops for parents, counselors, therapists and fellow parent educators a the annual conference of the South Caroline Society of Adlerian Psychology. This is my second time participating at this conference, and can tell you from experience, its a wonderful event. If the kids are settled in school, why not come join me?

Hilarious School Registration Form

How is your school year going so far? Are you still signing papers and writing cheques to the school every day like I am? Today I got my big laugh reading this hilarious mockery of a school application form. Well - now you'll know something about my sense of humour too! Enjoy.

Registration is open for Alyson's Parenting Bookcamp

Yes! It's back.... Alyson's Parenting Bootcamp is being offered three times this fall:

The weekend of October 4th and 5th ( 9am - 4pm each day)

The weekend of October 25th and 26th (9am - 4pm each day)

The weekend of November 22nd and 23rd ( 9am - 4pm each day)

If you are a busy parent with children under 10yrs old, then this is the best investment you can make in your children. I cover all you'll need to know to understand discipline, misbehaviour and how to guide your child towards being a caring cooperative and responsible person. Lots of discipline techniques will be demonstrated. I'll provide solutions to issues with eating, sleeping, dawdling, tantrums, sibling rivalry and more.

The group is limited is 25 people in order to accommodate your personal questions so register soon to ensure your spot.

All fall classes are held at 3080 Yonge Street ( Yonge and Lawrence). Lunch and snacks are included - child care is not.

If you are a Bootcamp grad from last year, why not post something in the comment field below about your experience and why other parents should sign up!

The Experts Speak on How Motherhood Impacts Your Relationships

Yesterday, I joined Ann Douglas, Erica Ehm and Kathy Buckworth as the panelists at the launch of the ParentsCanada Babes and Tots on the Go Show in Mississauga. The show features new parenting experts on special topics every Tuesday ( 10am and 7pm seminars) for all of September. The event closes with a two day consumer trade show.

It was a great morning out for new moms. There were free give aways, time to talk to the experts in the seminar and as a bonus, time to socialize over coffee after the seminar so moms can meet the experts and ask more questions privately. A great event you should check out.

The parenting experts pack up like the circus and will be coming to your town soon. We do a month in Ajax in October and then on to London for November. Order tickets in advance. Seminar seating is limited.

My Family Meeting Before School Starts

Happy back to school everyone! Where did summer 2008 go anyway? What a blur. I am back at work now, speaking at 10 am tomorrow at The Babes and Tots on the Go Show if you can catch me there, come say hello!

We just finished having a family meeting. Zoe my eldest is off to high school tomorrow for the first time and Lucy starts grade 8.

At our family meeting we talked about what time they had to be out the door for school this year. Taking the bus is new for Zoe and Lucy's school changed their start time to 8:25 am. I asked the question, "how much sleep do you want to get?" They both wanted to aim for 8 hours. So, we did a rough work back schedule and it seems they both want to try for going to bed at 11pm on school nights - but realistically, they thought that meant aiming for 10pm since they both like about an hour in their rooms at the end of the night before lights out. They'll try that plan for this week and then we'll follow up on how its going for them at next week's meeting. How nice that I don't have to bicker about getting out the door or supervise bedtimes. Next we we can talk about how it all worked out and discuss any modifications or improvements they might want to tweak.

Zoe also asked me about helping her study this year since she noticed she did better on tests if I helped quiz her the night before. I said I'd love to do that if she would please let me know in advance so I can plan my time too.

The last two item on the agenda: house keys and lunches. We checked in to make sure that every one had a house key and to let them know that if they wanted anything for their lunches to write it on the grocery list on the fridge. Zoe is seeing more reasons why she might want to investigate getting a part time job. Cafeteria food costs money and I did say I was not willing to pay for eating at school. If she wants to use her allowance that is fine, but we are not increasing her allowance for that purpose.

That was enough for one quick meeting. 15 minutes. How was yours? What did you talk about? Share in the comment space below.