Do you have an older child who still "holds"? It is a common problem with children in the younger grades. They check out medically as being okay, yet when they need to move their bowels, they still won't go use the toilet.
You plead with them to go sit on the toilet, you discover soiled underwear hidden in their bedroom, you find yourself monitoring their washroom habits to see if they are "producing" anything. You're afraid they'll soil their pants in public if you don't help them train properly. Right? Actually --- wrong. Let's look at what is happening:
Why Older Children Hold Their Bowels
Its our fear that our children can't manage that gets us overly involved and as we begin to micromanage them we usurps the child of their proper role and responsibility for toileting themselves. We rob them of this power. This set ups a power struggle. The child resists the parental urgings and manipulations. They are saying "its my body, its my decision, and you can't make me". They "hold" to win the power struggle.
What To Do?
The power struggle needs to dissolve. You need to hand over this responsibility back to the child
and trust him to manage it, accidents and all. I suggest you teach them how to wash soiled underwear and how to do a load of laundry. At 8yrs, with a a step stool, its as easy as a toaster. Once they have learned how to do that, your life is not impacted by their bowel habits, and
I suggest you tell them so, and let them know respectfully that you trust them to be independent and that won't be mentioning toileting to them again. Ever.
The child will decide in their own time how long they want to hold, how much of
a hassle it is to clean up after, and non of that will be worth if it doesn't set you off!
So, we end the power struggle, empower him, and stop being invested in
try to change the child's behaviours. They won't change until you get un-invested. If the power struggle still exists, they will feel defeated by you if they change, so they are in essence, "stuck" in
this behaviour.
You can free them to change by stop being involved in their business.
Thanks for putting my dilemma on your website. I've waited forever for this to come up by some other parent, and ironically, it was my own email that finally made its way on to your blog. Hopefully this will be of help to others in my situation. By way of an update, I told my son how we were going to handle things from now on and he was actually happy about it. I told him I was giving him the "power", which made him feel good. And last night, he went to the washroom without any prompting from me! So far so good!
Posted by: Louise | March 10, 2008 at 09:42 AM
My son is 8yrs of age and he has been washing his soiled pants for the past year. It still continues any other advice besides continuing have him wash him pants?
Posted by: Sylvia | April 07, 2008 at 07:07 PM
My son is 3yrs old and has been pooping on himself for the last two weeks ive tried everything and he knows to go to the restroom when he has to go. But why do they hold it? And is there a medical condition that explains this behavior. He has been potty trained since he was 2 yrs old so I know that he knows how to do it. Help me please
Posted by: Anisha | April 09, 2008 at 06:40 PM
My grandson is in 3rd grade and will poop his pants. He will sit in them and not tell until somone smells the odor. What can be done about this? His parents have made him clean his own underwear even. He continues to poop.
Posted by: jean | April 15, 2008 at 09:55 PM
My daughter is 8.5 she still poops her pants.We've had her clean them out, throw away her favorite pair that were just too soiled. Sometimes we'll go months and I finally think it's over but then when I least expect it she does it again. Is there a medical explaination? I watch her diet. I don't know what else to do.
Posted by: Denise | April 20, 2008 at 11:39 PM
my son is eight years old and still holds sometimes i find him hiding behind trees holding it . He tells me it hurts to go ! And he gets all tensed up in the bathroom i have checked for hemroids and i dont see any ...what else can i do ?
Posted by: stephanie | June 26, 2008 at 05:20 PM
My son is still pooping his pants and he is 8! This morning there is poop all over the bathroom and him and he denies knowing anthing about it? I am so frustrates I could scream. He does was his underwares, what else can I do? Does he need to see a Psychologist? I have talked to him over and over again nothing works, this is tearing me apart to. Something has got to change. Help someone, more suggestions.
Posted by: Jennifer | July 02, 2008 at 09:35 AM
My daughter was a long time knowing what to do (i.e. potty trained) but not willing to execute. I recognized this was a power struggle, so I did my best to mind my own business. Suddenly, one day last month (at 3.5 years) she decided she didn't want to wear a diaper to bed. I told her that was her choice and quickly ran through the nighttime potty routine. She has been dry and clean at night for three weeks. She is now wanting to wear panties everyday instead of diapers and has been without a diaper for two and a half weeks. She has pee accidents about once every third day and poops her pants at least every other day. I've now told her that her pee and poop is no longer my concern. We have rules about cleaning up and she has special towels she uses for the mess. She knows to go to the bathroom when she is wet or dirty and she stays there until she is ready to clean up. I try to stay out of it (going back over the area with bleach once she's off playing). Today she is cleaning her poopy self and pants by herself (with a bit of advice when requested). I hope this will help to encourage her. I, on the other hand, can't help from feeling quite discouraged. This is definitely a hot button with me and though I try desperately to hide my frustration or concern, I'm sure it seeps out the edges. Some days I feel like the only way to be a good parent is to put them in daycare.
Posted by: Stefanie | July 16, 2008 at 03:34 PM
These situations are not always power struggles. My son is having the same problem and we purchased a countdown watch for him. He does not realize pee or poop, He says he can't feel it unless it's painful. The doctor said there are neurological problems that can cause these issues and we are having an MRI to try and determine if this is a problem. Don't just assume it's a power stuggle. He/she may or may NOT be able to feel it. If you check out all the medical reasons why this can happen and they are negative, then continue with methods of the power struggle. My doctor doesn't believe this is the case with my son, since he pees on command with the watch, which we have told him "KNOWs" when he has to go. Poop is another story, since you don't do that regularly. BTW, he changes himself for over a year now and it doesn't change anything. He will be 6 soon. I hope this helps some of you who have older kids that aren't "holding it" or if you have little ones, that's different too.
Posted by: Mel | July 23, 2008 at 01:38 PM
Thanks for adding that important fact Stephanie. People should consult their physicians to do a medical rule out. It can be a real chicken and egg scenario, where holding is behavioural, leading to the child acclimating to the sensations of distention and thus developing mega colon - or lack of urge or sensations associated with needing to move the bowel.
Posted by: alyson Schafer | July 23, 2008 at 02:03 PM
MY 8 year old son also poops and wets all over now. Has been going on for months now. He was fine, then all of a sudden he says he doesnt know when he has to poop. He has a counselor and a psychiatrist, neither are helping. His pediatrician put him on Miralax, also did not help. Last night was the worst ever, poop on bed, his carpet, hall carpet, and big giant hunk on bathroom floor. It was smeared all over the toilet and sink as well. He is usually a very intelligent boy without mental handicap. What do I do??
Posted by: Crystal | July 27, 2008 at 08:38 AM
There are spinal issues that can cause this. We are in the process of checking in to it
now.
Read this website to see if your son has any of these other symptoms. I quoted the one paragraph that tells about some symptoms. I also listed two other sites to research as well.
http://www.ich.ucl.ac.uk/factsheets/families/F070308/index.html
"Many of these, with the exception of dermal sinus can lead to ‘tethered cord’, which is the term used when the lower end of the spinal cord is attached to the lower bones of the spinal column rather than hanging freely as it should. Normally the spinal column grows more quickly than the spinal cord, so that by the time the baby is born, the spinal cord has moved higher up the spinal column. If the cord is tethered, the spinal cord and nerves are stretched, reducing their ability to carry messages to and from the brain and causing pain. Growth spurts can stretch the spinal cord and nerves, causing problems with leg movement and bladder and bowel control"
http://www.boston-neurosurg.org/publications/faq/tethered_cord_MP.shtml
http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/tethered_cord/tethered_cord.htm
Posted by: Mel | August 01, 2008 at 08:15 AM
my son is 8 and just started pooping his pants. when i ask him why he said he does not know why. any suggestions would be great. i will start having him wash out underware. thank you
Posted by: tonya | August 25, 2008 at 08:26 PM
My nephew was 5 or 6 and still regularly pooped his pants. The pooping was discovered to be related to his asthma: the steroid being used to help him breathe, Prednizone, somehow affects children so that they cannot feel the physical urge/pressure to let them know the poop is happening (unless it is painful). Hence, they can be playing happily & not realize they have pooped until they notice it externally. Not sure if other meds have the same side effects but it would be worth a conversation with the child to see if they can describe what happens or what they feel (or don't feel) when they poop. (And maybe having a doctor or psychologist ask the question would be easier for the child?)
Posted by: Sarah | September 09, 2008 at 09:36 PM
My brother used to wet the bed. The doctors couldn't find anything wrong medically. Then a friend told my Mom it might be a milk allergy. My mom took him off of all dairy and he started being able to feel the nerves in his bladder region. Just a thought.
Posted by: Dawn | September 26, 2008 at 06:17 PM
My daughter 8 started pooping in her pants even at school she sat in it for 4 hours and rode the bus home.she is a smart child and i never had a problem with her before.
Posted by: Francine | October 18, 2008 at 09:23 PM
I Hvae an 8 yr old son that poops his pants almost daily and has done so for years and I have read all the postings from other parents like myself. I was wondering if there is light at the end of the tunnel? has anyone had their child after age 8 start using the potty? Was is something you did or was it done medically? I just don't see anything from parents who have found an answer and it scares me. I don't want my son to face this problem his whole life. Please if anyone has some hope to share please do...
Posted by: Does anyone have an sucess story? | November 13, 2008 at 01:45 PM
Hi all,
I have worked successfully with people who have overcome this issue. The pant pooping was the symptom but the underlying problem is the family dynamic.
Instead of focussing on potty training and the boys defiance, we worked on sharing power in the family through expanded responsiblity, getting parents to stop micromanaging, involving the child in family decision making and increased respectful interactions as a whole.
If you still have issues - I recommend you should seek out family counscelling.
Alyson
Posted by: Alyson Schafer | November 18, 2008 at 08:53 AM
I have an 8 year old daughter,that has started pooping her pants about 5 weeks ago.My daughter is also dx with absent seizers and at first i thought it was because her meds were too strong,than after we seen the neuro and switched,and i also cut way back on her meds,it still continued.Every day when i pick her up from school she has been sitting in it all day,so i sent her to school with a little purse to be able to clean herself up if needed.mean while im angry with the teacher for not making sure she got cleaned up, We are pretty much in the poor house spending money on underware.I have been telling her that what upsets me is not that she has the accident,but that she doesnt care to get cleaned up.so im setting her up with the school counceler and she has a neuro appt and a dr appt.GOING CRAZY,but definitly going to try Alysons idea of giving her back the responcibility,crossing my fingers and toes.
Posted by: sarah | November 21, 2008 at 05:05 PM
wow i am not alone!!
Posted by: sarah | November 21, 2008 at 05:06 PM
I have an eleven year old daughter and a seven year old who have done this on and off since they were babies, just when i think it all finished it starts again, they are both badly constipated a lot of the time and i dont know if it hurts them to go. she is very embarrassed about it and when i ask him any accidents he laughs at me, its very fustrating and i end up fighting with him and threatening all sorts then feeling very guilty... i have tried rewards for going and stopping treats for accident and dont know what else do to, i think i will try leaving it up to him to clean himself and see how that goes. talk about life is s%"*!!
Posted by: Cathy | November 21, 2008 at 08:37 PM
hi just like to say i have been in the same boat as you all,most boys do not find this to be a problem evn if they are told by others they smell,children before the age of ten if they are having fun would rather just put up with it as their friends dont even comment.In the later years it becomes a problem ,for the ladies that say their childre are constapated why not try a high fibre diet and more water just a suggestion i know myself those 2 things help alot.Well good luck to 1 and all keep posting we all might come up with some advice others can use
Posted by: aunt | December 18, 2008 at 07:50 AM
My son has never had issues before when it came to his bathroom behavior. I too can't offer anything to this forum other than my personal observations. For my family, it all started when I bought him his first game system for Christmas last year. "All of a sudden" he started having accidents at 5 yrs of age. After I took the Playstation away he got a little better but here recently, it has been out of control. It started again after the beginning of his first grade year. At first I attributed it to riding on the school bus too long so I put him in an after school program~ still... nothing. My next excuse for him was to say that he had anxiety about using the toilet in public so he would "hold" it. But now things keep escalating. He is now messing his pants at home whenever he is out of school. I feel like I've tried or considered EVERYTHING except for dropping the issue. I have a tendency of overanalyzing things so.. I am going to tell him that I will never speak of this again and that I will expect him to keep the bathroom clean and he will also be responsible for WASHING, not just rinsing out his underwear. I'll give it two weeks and repost with his results.
Posted by: Kelly | December 19, 2008 at 09:50 AM
i just wanted to let u know that i have a 5yr old in pullups, she has a medical issue and can't feel when she has to go, this issue she will have for the rest of her life, so some of these cases may be medical. They have her on a powdered laxative, it is very stressful becouse they really don't know that they have to go they can't feel it, there numb. i would talk to a SPECIALIST and have some tests done. hope this was helpful and good luck :)
Posted by: christien | December 30, 2008 at 11:29 PM
What do you do if the child is 8 and it's happening on purpose? And he doesn't seem to care if anyone knows?
Posted by: andrea | December 30, 2008 at 11:29 PM
I am so glad I am not alone!! I have cried about this issue thinking I have somehow gone wrong in the parenting department. I am going to try Alyson's advice. It sounds like I am trying to baby my 8yr old TOO much. We have been fighting the bed wetting from the start of potty training and my solution was for her to wear pull-ups at night and now she has started peeing and pooping in them while watching tv before bed or sitting in soiled ones in the morning instead of changing first thing. So I will give her the control and forget about it. I will let you know how it turns out. Thanks so much!!
Posted by: angie | December 30, 2008 at 11:30 PM
I have a seven year old son who started pooping his pants at age five. He was toilet trained as a very young three year old. I tried everything, taking away toys, tv, movies, games, playtime with neighbor kid; anything that was a consequence. When none of those things worked, my husband and I tried rewards for staying clean. We tried money, special trips alone with mom and/or day, treats, candy, but nothing helped.
Upon starting second grade, the school required me to come to the school and clean him up because he stunk. He had to sit in the school office until I arrived and was he embarassed.
No, I was humiliated. I was at my whits end so one day I heard his daycare tell him that he could go to the "big" kids house and play video games, watch TV and play lots of fun games and toys that he liked. He would also see his best friend again.
To make a long story short, we decided to take the whole event and try to get success in one area of his daily life. We have reached some success by the fact that instead of daily soilings at school, we have had no soiling at all in over three months, daycare followed with dailing soilings to none in three months. We still struggle with soilings at home but I have started another game with him. See, not only does my son soil himself, but he hides the evidence in his bedroom somewhere and uses his clean clothing to clean himself up. Problem is, we can smell it when he does it. So, now, I require him to read to me one minute for every piece of clothing I find used as well as soiled underware. When he owes me 30 minutes he must read all of the time to me in addition to his normal homework. If I find more than 30 minutes, he has to choose from a few chores that I give him. He hates the chores more than anything. I only saw more than 30 minutes one time. I do, however, still have a problem with his soiling his pants, but it has been drastically reduced.
We now tell him to go to the bathroom, clean himself up, clean out his underware, and then head to his bedroom where he cannot play with anyone for a while. He does not like to be isolated for long. We are seeing an improvement.
Before the previous three months and we had daily soilings at school, daycare, home on a daily basis. I dont know about other children but I probably have 60 pair of underware at any one time which means a load of underware alone, including the clothing he has used evert week.
I do see an improvement in the toilet habits in my son. It is still frustrating and every day I have to remind him to use the toilet when he starts to flatulate. That is his body telling him that he will need to go soon. Big boys use the toilet. He has no medical condition, is healthy and happy.
I believe that his only control in his life is his body. He is told all day, every day what he has to do but I have tried to show more praise for all the things he does right, like help another child who had been hurt, or is crying. He is very tender and warm hearted. I believe I found something that speaks to him and praise is it. I am trying to cut loose on the silly things he does, try to pretend that soiling is his problem and move on.
I hope I have brought some sense of hope to someone. An older child soiling themselves is an embarrassment to parents but if we stand back, tell our child that it is their responsibility to clean themselves up and have to leave what they are doing and be apart (seperate themselves), a consequence for soiling themselves and I move on to something else, ignore his behavior, and hopefully sooner than later he will gain control of his bowels and cease.
I also tell my child everyday that I am proud of him when he uses the toilet as he should. I now get a smile because he knows that no matter what he does, I still love him but it means so much to me when he acts like a "big" kid and not a baby.
.
Posted by: Sandy | January 05, 2009 at 09:07 AM
I can relate to many of these parents because I have problems myself. It is fair to say that I have a congenital bladder problem, as I have not stayed completely dry past pottying lessons. Only meds helped, and I got those when my parents decided I was not growing out of it. When I had accidents, they were graceful about it. They handled it as if it meant nothing. I'm glad they did and did not assume it was behavioral. It got worse over the years, and I'm now in diapers twenty-four/seven with all methods failed. From my experience, I'd say that it is dangerous to always assume that it is a power struggle in kids. Kids are just assumed, most of the time when having accidents, that it is due to laziness or because they are struggling with power over the parents. I did it because I could not help it. And if asked why, I was not able to provide a sensible answer because I was only a small child. I'm not going to have the vocab to express what is really the problem like I can now. I'm just going to say, "I dont know," look stupid, and feel ashamed because I continually missed the mark of being dry. And, I disappointed my parents yet another time by having accidents.
For my story, and for my blog, check out www.takeastandforincontinence.blogspot.com
BTW, all tests came back normally as a child. I had a clean urine specimine, which led to me being given a diagnosis of overactive bladder. Sometimes, all tests will be normal, like in my case, but it does not mean that the child is bad. If it persists past eleven years of age, it is time to find ways of coping, and it is safe to assume that there is a problem involved. My parents did that. They dealt with me all those years, but after eleven, despite the normal bill of health aside from the enormous amount of UTI's and bladder infections, and burning on urination, which would happen off and on, my parents took action. I'm so glad they handled it the way they did and did not get mad at me thinking I was just a bad, misbehaving kid.
Posted by: Reina Brown | January 07, 2009 at 12:10 PM
I have read everyone's stories and my daughter's is the same. She is 8 years old and just recently started pooping her pants. She is a real girly girl and no tom boy by any means and is easily embarassed,, but, this doesn't seem to bother her. Her doctor said to try miralax, we have, and she still does it. She has complete bladder control and, when she poops in her underwear,, it isn't a whole bowel movement,, she does this off and on all day until all together it could have been a full movement. She has hid her soiled underwear in her dresser, under her bed, and even in her bookbag (10 soiled pairs) and took it too school. Yesterday she wore a pair to school that had already been pooped in and hidden a week or so ago because her clean underwear was all in the dryer. There have been no changes in her home or school environment, i have talked to her and she says that she doesn't have a problem,, that she just does it. When she went to her aunts and played with her cousin, across the hall from the bathroom,, she pooped her pants, changed and tried to hide the dirty underwear before she got caught. I know that it is not psychological, or physical. Is this a power struggle or not wanting to take time out to use the bathroom?? I am really afraid for her health from doing this so many times a day and wearing soiled underwear from a week ago is definetly a serious health concern for me. I have explained to her about bacteria so on, and so forth. She says, i don't know why, i just do it. She says that she can feel when she has to go, and she is a real mommy's girl so i don't know if it is a power struggle or not. I hope someone can help me with this problem. Thank you
Posted by: Sandi | January 12, 2009 at 10:51 PM
We had our son cleaned out by his physician to check if anything was wrong in his bowel movement area 6 months ago. I did some reading on my own and the child gets constipated because of holding it in for so long. Eventually, the bowel movements leak out which the child does not have any control of by this time (They lose that sensation). We just had our son cleaned out again. On the second day he was holding his bowel movement in AGAIN. He admits he does not want to "miss" anything whether it's in class, TV, playing, working, catching the bus, or eating. I think it will make him feel powerful to be put in charge of his laundry. But, we have to tell him to change/clean up! He probably will learn that he can still poop (until he tires of it). But, as a parent how long do I wait? What do I do if 6 months goes by and he continues? We have started taking away video, field trips, fun treats if he continues to not be responsible for an 8 year old. Is this good? As a parent, we only have on shot to get it right. We make sure he eats a balanced meal to have regular BM's. We're glad our child is not the only one with his problem. But, who has the most effective way to solve?
Posted by: Mom | January 20, 2009 at 08:36 AM
I need help, my son 8 years old start to mess in his panst, since he knew that i was pregnan, it has been abouth 8 months ago and he still pooping , what can i do?, my dother arrive and my son don't change, has any thing to be with that?
help..help..
He dosen't care what i said , he promes me he is going to stop and he do it again and again...
HELP ME PLEASE!
Posted by: Gloria | January 20, 2009 at 03:21 PM
It is so comforting to finally know that other people are going through the same thing I am going through. My son is 6 1/2 yrs. old and still pooping in his pants. It is the most frustrating thing I think I have ever experienced in my life. I feel like I have failed as a mother. I have tried EVERYTHING!!! I am so worried now that he is older and will be going to school all day next year----kids can be so cruel!! It just isn't sinking in, he doesn't understand how important it is to go poopy on the potty. I have tried to lighten up and tell him he is the boss, and the one in control of his body--not be so demanding, I really thought it was a control struggle, but it is still not working. I am at my wits end-it is starting to cause problems in the marriage. I really feel for anyone else going through this, and I find it comforting that I am not the only one. To give you a good laugh----I pray for a good poop!!! May my prayer be answered as well as all that are reading this!!!
Posted by: frustrated mom | January 23, 2009 at 10:07 PM
My son is 8 years old and started pooping his pants two years ago. It has been our only point of frustration with him. He has only pooped at school once and I think it embarrassed him so much that now he only does it with family and his close friends. I have asked him if it bothers him and his response is no. When he sleeps over at his friends we have to call him there a couple of times to make sure he uses the washroom and when he gets home there is always residue. I ask him if he can feel it and his response is no. He will go for a few weeks with no accidents and then it justs starts up again.He will do his own wash and clean the toilet when he is caught with soiled pants. I have yelled, cried and tried to reason with him. By finding this site I think I may take him to the doctor just to rule anything out. It's just nice to know we're not the only ones.
Posted by: Nancy | February 01, 2009 at 12:13 PM
what ever happened to to a good ole fashion spanking evrytime it happens? i had had one that did that and would tell them after getting checked out and found nothing medically was wrong, that go ahead but rememebr thers a price to pay for it a spanking and washing your underwear, it worked 1 yr no accidents!!!!
Posted by: virginia | February 26, 2009 at 12:11 AM
Ok, I am a ready made dad, when i got with my wife now her children were 3 and 5. Pretty much from the time I got with my wife the 2 girls were pooping their pants. The children did deal with abuse from ther bio dad so im sure that had all and everything to with them pooping their pants. I delt with it and delt with it and tried everything I could think of to get them to stop pooping their pants. I tried reward systems, punishments like time outs and stuff like that. I tried every method I thought possible. I finally got them broke of pooping their pants and this is how I did it. Well..... I used to throw away their soiled panties and one day I decided NO im tired of this and im tired of them soiling their pants. What I did was every time they pooped their pants I made them hand scrub the poo out of their panties in the toilet. Now most of you are thinking "what a horrible father" well ya know what after a few times of having to hand scrub the poo out of their pants they decided they didnt like it and they quit pooing their pants. I know it might sound horrible but it worked for both of my children and maby it will work with your child. Hope this helps
Posted by: tc | April 23, 2009 at 10:13 PM
Hello: Just heard your talk in Moncton. I was very surprised to find this topic on your website. My 7 yr. old granddaughter uses a pull-up for bowel movements. She seems to need time to "calm" herself, standing, with her books or toys, lining them up, in the bathroom. It takes about ten minutes. Her diet may be a factor; the product is very hard. Most family members will not allow this, so she retains for days, with some leakage. And she suffers humiliation from family members. Her parents haven't had her examined yet; the family doctor says it is only a phase. From previous comments, I can see this is a complicated problem. Both she and her 9 yr. old brother are also bedwetters. I also was, as a child; only time helped.
Posted by: marjorie lutzac | April 26, 2009 at 12:35 PM
I have a child whois going to high school next year and still poops in his pants I don't know what to do any more and he denies pooping in pants even when i show him his under wear
Posted by: desperate mom | April 28, 2009 at 12:37 AM
Our son is 11 years old and never had a problem with this until now. He says that he waits to long because he doesn't want to miss anything or he doesn't want to take the time to go. For three weeks now he has been doing this and the worst thing is that when it happens he just wears his dirty clothes until I notice the smell. Twice now I have went into his bedroom to say good night and his room smelt like a sewer. He was just going to sleep in it. Tonight I made him clean himself and his underware by himself. He hated it and I am hoping that the thought of having to do that again will help him get to the bathroom on time. If this doesn't do the trick I will take him to a doctor and have him checked out in case there is something physically wrong. I thought we would be past all of this by 11 years old and this has me so puzzeled as to why it could be happening. Help!
Posted by: Lorali | April 29, 2009 at 02:39 AM
Ugh!!! My 11 1/2 year old son is pooping his pants daily! He says its because the teachers won't let him go at school (wait for recess!) but he does it on the weekends too so I don't buy that excuse. The worst part is that he doesn't care! I don't mean that he acts like he doesn't care he has actually told me he didn't care! He said he didn't mind that much sitting in it and ALWAYS hides his underwear! He usually stuffs them in his laundry basket (he does his own laundry) and my husband found a "fresh" pair tonight in his drawer. It's really disturbing me and really pissing off my husband. He's actually punished right now and his punishment (besides taking away ALL electronics) is writting lines that says "I will wash out my dirty underwear" and is to do 4 pages per night for 2 weeks. He has been doing this for 4 days now and he still hid underwear tonight...I don't get it! It's to the point now that him pooping himself isn't even the issue anymore it's him not cleaning out his underwear and constatntly lying to us when we ask him if he's had an accident. We've tried the calming "understanding" talk, the "my husband freaking out" talk and everythiung in between and all he can say for himself is "I don't know" and "I don't remember when it happened". I asked him if he wanted to start to change his habit or if he was ok with it and wanted to continue what he was doing and he said "a little of both"...not what I was expecting to hear! He's going to high school in September and I'm freakin' out! He has told me on other occasions that he poops himself because he's too lazy to go to the washroom. What is going on here? (BTW - There is no abuse going on here).
Posted by: Tina | June 03, 2009 at 09:13 PM
I have recently had a book published titled "Trial of Friends. The book is a suspense novel, but also asks questions of what you would do in the situations. In the book, children have toileting accidents because of a bully. One child has a medical condition. One girl of age six soils herself because she is afraid to tell about the bullies. If your child is having toileting accidents, this may be one of the reasons. Reading this book may help you and your child discover the reason, and you and your child the courage to say what is really going on. Book can be ordered on-line by going to www.publishamerica.com; click on on-line bookstore. Best Wishes.
JAS
Posted by: Jeff A. Singleton | June 24, 2009 at 05:10 PM
My child is a 7 yr old boy. We have been dealing with pooping issues since potty training. He was born with Hirschsprung's Disease and had 1/3 of his colon surgically removed, which complicates our issues. About 18 mos. ago we saw a pediatric gastroenterologist for just over a year. The doctor never changed her course of action and nothing she did helped in the least. She never acknowledged that the disease could be a factor and just kept the same treatment the whole time we visited her. After 14 mos. of $40 co-pays I said ENOUGH! I have given up on the medical world and I am now looking for other solutions. I too am guilty of loosing my patience and, his 3 siblings often make unkind comments. We are working on this as a family. But we know the exhaustion this issue brings upon individuals and families. Good luck to each of you!
Posted by: -W | June 24, 2009 at 06:49 PM
I feel compelled to contribute to this thread. I consulted this website three months ago when I reached an impasse with my four year old (since turned five). She was having daily bowel movements in her underwear, and I couldn't figure out why. It had been happening on an off for about six months, but this last stretch was particularly trying.
It turns out that a number of key foods that I had been encouraging her to eat (because they are healthy) had been irritating her small intestine. It was a Naturopath here in Oakville, Ontario, with NAET training (allergy training) who pinpointed the problem for us. We have since eliminated these foods from her diet and there hasn't been one poop incident since.
I wanted to share this with you to let you know that it really might be out of your child's control. I hope that this e-mail has helped you and I wish all of you and your children the very best for the future.
Posted by: Fiona | July 01, 2009 at 07:45 PM
I have a 6.5 year old whose still pooping her pants.Here lately she has even wet them also.I have tried time out,taking away television which hurts her mostly,and I have even tried spanking.She'll just hide it when she's tired of punishment.She'll even use a bunch of clean clothes to clean herself off which means more laundry.She will also poop on herself and then use a whole roll of toilet paper at a time to clean it off and then stop the toilet up.She gets poop all over her bedding,her mattress,the carpet,the toilet,and making her clean it up has no effect either.This is a daily routine that happens several times a day sometimes.Sometimes her undies and clothes are so bad I have to throw them out.I replace so much underwear.She will sit in it for hours and then you'll start smelling the old poop and you just gag.She knows what she is doing is wrong because she knows our other children don't do it but I think she doesn't care.What do you do when they are doing it because they are just being plain lazy?We have 3 bathrooms in our house,and she rarely ever pees on herself.We have even taken her to the doctors and he said she is not constipated and he told her in a stern voice not to do it anymore and thought that would cure her.Any advice!?
Posted by: Tammy | July 20, 2009 at 10:19 PM
My son is almost 8,I've been having this problem with him since he was 3yrs old.. he was pooping his pants all the time and then some days are fine ...But I always have to remind him to go to the washroom....(ALWAYS).. Know he is started slowly to pee his pants I think It's lazyness???? Well to be honest I dnt know what to do Please help....
Posted by: lynn | August 05, 2009 at 11:59 AM
I want to thank all of you for writing what is going on with you as I have thought we were the only ones in the world going through this hell.
We have the most wonderful 10¾ grandson, that came to live with us along with his sister and mother a year ago. Well for the past year all I smell is poop! We have tried JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING, and I SO MEAN JUST BOUT EVERYTHING to STOP this. But ALL has FAILED. I WONT allow ppl to come into my house as it smells like a sewer. We've had him checked out by his doctor.... all is okay. Next to the psychotherapist... and still POOP! It's has gotten so bad I am not going through depression as I am stuck in the house all day smelling it! I mean the smell has gotten into everything no matter how much we clean. We have tried making him scrub his clothes, and wash them... still poop!
I have talked to him if there is anything I can do to help him... nada. I went and sent away for diapers for older children and that will be my next step as I am lost at what to try next. The sad part is he doesn't seem to even care that his friends can smell him. One of the psychotherapist told us to make his sit on newspapers on the floor as he ISNT allowed to sit on anything else... and that we should have "pratice wipping" three times a day. Sounds like an idea to me, but the daughter is fighting me on it. The 2nd psychotherapist told us to give him "coffee" which just made him wired out! lol I am at a lost and truthfully really starting to get sick of all of this... HELP!!!!
Posted by: Grandma | September 11, 2009 at 02:17 PM
i so happy to hear that i'm not the only parent out there that has to deal with this on a daily basis ~ i'm at the end of my rope too and reading all the other comments ~ i see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel but it is going to take a long time in getting there ~ thank you everyone for the advice ~ my daughter is almost 8 years old and has been doing this for almost a year and i'm starting to think that maybe this is caused from us (her parents) always fighting and this is the result ~ but i'm still pretty confused to why it is happening ~ but please keep posting comments on this problem as i will be coming back every few days to read people's comments and advice on this matter!
Posted by: nikki | September 27, 2009 at 01:38 PM
My 5 year old keeps pooping in his pants and then will hide it in his room. He says he doesn't like to sit on the potty because it's boring. I've tried everything from bribing him to making him sit on the toilet. He's almost 6 and I'm wondering if I should take him to the Dr.
Posted by: Julie | October 01, 2009 at 03:52 PM
I am so glad that I am not alone!!! My son is 8 and he still has "accidents." He says that he can't feel when he has to go. We don't push him and I have stopped asking him every 5 minutes if he needs to go. He is definately getting better, but it doesn't bother him near as much as it bothers me. The doctor says that he will outgrow it...
Posted by: KC | October 04, 2009 at 11:23 PM
Okay, my brother is 13 years old. He is still pooping in his pants. No idea why he does that. I don't think it's a power issue at all.
Posted by: Trevor | October 05, 2009 at 12:32 AM
These are depressing comments. I've got a four and a half year old who I just spanked to within two inches of his life for pooping in his pants. He has two younger siblings, and I've always bought into the whole line about how "children will train when they're ready!" and "He won't go to kindergarten in diapers! wink wink!"
But I'm starting to suspect these happy-sounding lines are a bunch of overly-permissive s&*t. ;)
Gawd. Thirteen years old? I can't take another nine years of this.
Sometimes he'll go in the potty, but more often than not, he'll just go in his underwear. It doesn't help that he's verbally delayed; this is part of the reason we've suffered in silence this long. It's a good excuse. But this kid is bright enough to run our computer, knows his numbers and alphabet and hundreds of sight words. He's NOT a helpless invalid.
My husband is a lot more forgiving about this than I am, so he asks for Daddy when he's had a dirty one, but even my husband's saintly patience is fast running out. Cleaning up after a four-year-old's bowel movements is NO FUN AT ALL.
My hands smell like feces no matter how many times I scrub them. Today I made him clean his own poopy underwear out into the toilet.
He kept saying "yuck!" because yeah, it DOES suck to have to scrape out feces with your hands, doesn't it, boy??? Then he had to clean off the toilet seat, which had poop smeared all over IT, and then he had to take a shower to clean off his rear end. Oh, and clean off the ledge of the tub where he managed to get poop smeared as he got into the shower. Hopefully this will be aggravating enough for him to avoid repeating his hideous mess.
Posted by: CeeBee | October 06, 2009 at 12:29 PM