Cry It Out Method Leads To Vomiting

Several people who have heard me preach about the "cry it out" ( CIO) method of sleep training have emailed me to share that they have one glitch: their tots cry so hard they vomit. Not so nice eh?

Remember that the sphincter muscles at the top of the stomach are weak initially and only grow strong in tone with age. It is very easy for a good wail to cause the stomach to contract sufficiently to push its contents passed the sphincter muscle and that means "vomit", but its really a glorified large volume spit up. Its not like when we feel green, dizzy and spinning from the flu or food poisoning or too many drinks during "frosh week".

The stomach contents are acidic and it can cause tissue burning if it happens a lot so please consult your physician. However, for the majority, these crying up-chucks do not pose a medical concern.

My advice for what to do when your child vomits from crying during the CIO ( cry it out ) training is this:

I suggest you deal with the vomit in the most minimal way you feel comfortable with. If there is not much spit up and it has not landed on their sleeper and if only in a small portion of the crib sheet is wet - leave it be for the morning.

If the sleepers are soaked or the bed sheets are wet everywhere , then swiftly make the smallest and fastest motion to get the sleepers and bedding in acceptable order for continuing sleep.

Do NOT turn this time into social time with lots of cooing and chatting. We are trying to show them that evening is NOT when people are social. We do that in the day! So don't turn on lights and burst into conversation and start singing songs.

Don't been cold and distant either, as that will feel harsh and rejecting. Just go about your job in a neutral way and then leave the room without a big elaborate second tuck in. A quick kiss and outcha go!

If you have comments on or a favorite puke story ( and I know that you do!!!) - please use the comment area to share your story with others.

Comments

[Cassie]

I'm trying to get my 11-month old son to sleep through the night. The first night was awful, the second night was great, but since then we've had big throw-ups every time. Naptime AND bedtime, it's horrible. I feel so bad for my little one! I was taking him out and comforting him and bringing him back to bed with me, thinking that he might be sick, but this article cleared things up a bit for me. I'm going to start over tomorrow.

[Christine Haskell]

You leave your baby alone in their room to cry so hard they VOMIT, and then force them to cry MORE? Then, I'm assuming, when they're crying because they're hungry (since they vomited up their bedtime meal) you probably STILL ignore them, right?
How disgusting.

Of COURSE you don't "turn on lights and sing songs" in the middle of the night. But you don't have to force your child to cry until they vomit, and then leave them to cry some more to teach them this.

And then... "if it's just some on THEM or a little bit on the sheets, leave it there." Bye-bye crying, sad, ignored, vomit-covered and hungry baby! See you in the morning!

How sad.

[Alyson Schafer]

Hello Christine,

I think you have only a peice of the story and philosophy in that post, which is why I posted further info on infant sleep training:

http://www.alyson.ca/2008/06/getting-babies.html

In my profession, most parents who seek help with sleep training are parents that are very uneasy with crying and they usually have problems setting limits, enforcing boundaries and being effective at child guidance.

All parents should attend to their child's needs. Needs and wants are different. Often parents cave to their children's demands. There is a developmental appropriateness that parents must be attuned to. However, most parents underestimate their children's ability and thus inadvertently interfere with their skills development by stepping in too soon, assuming they can't manage. This is true in sleep training too.

I hope this and the other post explain my stance more clearly. And of course, I expect not everyone will agree with my views. We can respectfully agree to disagree!

[jinia]

I pray when something goes wrong and your laying in your own vomit your child over looks your training and cares for you. This is just neglect. If you don't want to deal with your BABY don't have them, please.

[Christine]

Thank you for your response.
People who do not practice "Cry It Out" do not CAVE to our child's demands. We MEET them. Leaving your child alone in their room to cry until they vomit, and ignoring their begging to be comforted or even fed is NOT meeting their needs - it's ignoring them for your own selfish reasons. There is nothing beneficial other than your own sleep to be gained by forcing your child into something they're obviously NOT emotionally prepared for.
Studies show that CIO is mentally and emotionally damaging. Studies ALSO show that promptly responding to your child's needs, regardless of the time of day, and encouraging growth in their OWN time actually produces a more independent, happier, self-soothing child than this so-called "self-soothing teaching" which is nothing more than forcing your child into things they don't understand and that can actually be dangerous for them.

From the Austrailian Foundation for Infant Mental Health, "Although controlled crying can stop children from crying, it may teach children not to seek or expect support when distressed. Infants from about six months of age suffer from differing degrees of anxiety when separated from their parents. This anxiety continues until they can learn that their parents will return when they leave, and that they are safe. This learning may take up to three years.
Almost all children grow out of the need to wake at night and be reassured by three or four years of age, many much earlier than this.
Infants are more likely to develop secure attachments when their distress is responded to promptly, consistently and appropriately. Secure attachments in infancy are the foundation for good adult mental health."

Your theories in parenting are the exact opposite of the way children are designed to function. Not only that, but it's potentially harmful in the long run as well.

From a Harvard study: "The pair examined childrearing practices here and in other cultures and say the widespread American practice of putting babies in separate beds -- even separate rooms -- and not responding quickly to their cries may lead to incidents of post-traumatic stress and panic disorders when these children reach adulthood."

While I understand that "CIO" has been gaining momentum over the past few decades, I urge you to do more research on up-to-date information, which is showing more and more that this archaic and cruel practice is NOT acceptable, helpful, or even healthy.

--Christine Haskell

[Ginger]

So, it is important to my child's development that I let her scream until she vomits, and then let her lay in it? Good to know. I'll chalk that up with other crappy advice I've received lately.

[Jennifer]

I am a big proponent of "to each his own," however if i wanted something to train, i would have got a puppy...

I have seen the results of "effective sleep training" "CIO" and the Ezzo parenting methods. It led to odd behavioral issues in my cousin; rocking herself by basically flinging herself against her mattress, at first to help her sleep but ultimately whenever she was distressed she would resort to this rocking, the only form of comfort she got when she was left alone and scared in her bed at night. It also left her hating her mother. Just a little something to consider.

[Thea]

Wow! This is heated.
First of all let me say that I've used the cry it out method as described by Alyson here and on The Parenting Show and it has been a great success for us. Our almost 3 year old son is much calmer, much happier and a great sleeper compared to other kids we know who's parents couldn't tolerate crying. In fact he's much more patient and calm all together than these other children. He doesn't expect or demand that things go his way; a lesson that started with his sleeping. Yes he threw up twice because of his crying. I went in quietly when I heard it to see if it required changing the sheets - once yes and once no. I don't see this behavior in him as desperation but rather experimenting to see what works and what doesn't. He knows that we are always there for him if he needs us and we love and care about him deeply.
I guess it all depends on "how" you do things with your children. If you're cold and dismissive than cry it out from those parents might feel brutal. But if you're loving and gentle and patient and inherently believe in their innate ability to learn to calm themselves and go to sleep ("you can do it!") ultimately it's one of the best gifts you can give your child... at least from where I'm sitting.
All of these techniques really come down to attitude. If you're sunny and friendly these methods are much better than anything else I've seen or tried. Firm but friendly.

[Sue]

I have a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old....we did CIO both times. We waited until 9 months - which was right for our guys. Worked in 2 nights....a little spit-up with the 2nd baby....but I have two kids that go to bed from 7-7....whole house is happy and healthy and secure. If done right - ie. cold turkey...less confusing than with interval checking. I have given my children the gift of good sleeping habits. A little vomit never hurt anyone :)

[Michele Bacchoo]

I think people are forgetting that this method is actually helping our children in the long run. Many people opt for what works in the short term for them and their child which ultimately is worse for both of them. I have used the crying out method and whole heartedly believe in it - not beacuse I am cold hearted and don't care but because I love my child and think that it will cause her less suffering long term. When i have stuck rigidly to it it works in a few days. After her being ill recently and recieving lots of comfort I have had to back to sleep training, last night she cried for 45 minutes and did vomit and this morning I have put her down for her nap and she cried for 3 minutes! Obviously if my baby is ill or hungry I give her comfort and I will not leaving her covered in vomit (Alyson only said if it was a small amount to leave them - I think people are taking this statement to the extremes). I am a behavioural specialist and have worked with so many children and parents who have ongoing problems and very distressed children. Another point is that at some time or other the parents needs to have to be considered. When a parent is completely exhausted and at their wits end (unless your a complete saint we have all been there) they cannot be as good a parent as when they have had better slapp and are more relaxed. I will always take my childs views and needs into account but ultimately i am the parent and in charge - it is irresponsible to let them be in control. Yes I am sure that there is research which says that this is cruel and leads to problems although I am sure that there is research that says otherwise. All the people that are slating this method have not suggested alternatives (I am aware of the alternatives myself) I would like to know if they have been successful in the long term with these methods - congratulations if you have! Good luck to all those mothers out there and remember that as long as you give them plenty of love and meet their needs the rest of the time they are likely to grow up well adjusted and happy.

[Cyn]

The negative comments here are so typical of what I find in the "attachment parenting" community--they so want the world to respect their views, but there is little attempt at respect or understanding for anyone else's point of view or experience. There is a huge difference between coldly neglecting a child and lovingly helping them learn the crucial skill of self soothing and establishing appropriate boundaries. For my 17 month old we have used a combination of CIO and techniques discussed in Dr. Weissbluth's book. The result is a happy, healthy outgoing toddler who sleeps nearly 12 hours at night and naps for 3-4 hours during the day. And yes, he's a vomiter, so sometimes when he gets really upset (or grabs a little too much food) he vomits easily, which is at first terrifying and disturbing. However, our pediatrician confirmed what Alyson talks about here--some kids are just vomiters and they have to grow out of it. He even said that at this age a child can learn that vomiting gets them attention (and special food, etc.) and do it on purpose for that attention. I'm extremely grateful to know that the vomiting we've experienced is not harmful to my child and that I can treat him with care and clean everything up, but that I don't have to coddle him or treat him like he's sick--or go backwards on our sleep boundaries! Of course, if my child had a nervous or high strung temperament I would not take the same approach, but as he's always been very easy going and energetic, I find he responds very well to setting firm and loving boundaries. It may work for some families to live in a state of total sleep deprivation but as a lifetime insomnia sufferer, I want better for my child.

[anonymous]

My sister and I were both left to cry it out when we were babies, from day one, and we both suffer severe panic disorder as adults. My sister also has insomnia. We recently discovered that the 'cry it out' method we were subjected to was probably the biggest contributing factor. Discovering this has been excruciating and infuriating. Thinking about having my own kids triggered a regression back to my own infancy, with me experiencing a period of extreme, irrational fear, mistrust, insecurity, panic, depression, abandonment, etc. i was afraid i was going to die at every turn (and thought my parents were going to die as well)- just like an infant 'knows' they are going to die if they are left alone - because they will! it is basic survival mode. I was told i cried constantly as a baby. Makes sense. When i realized what had been triggered in me, i was able to work through it only after some very, deep, painful work that seemed insurmountable most of the time. i am finally feeling my body letting go of the breath i have been holding for the last 35 years. My body has been in a constant state of clenched contraction like when you are suddenly afraid. I even thought i had hypoglycemia my whole life - turns out it was anxiety triggered by hunger. i am similarly anxious when i'm full, and i hold my breath when i eat! I've now 'cured' myself of the 'hypoglycemia' since i am overcoming the anxiety. And I have always slept very well, but i think its because my nervous system is so taxed all the time that i am just exhausted. i have also never been a 'demanding' person - i guess i learned early on that no one comes when you cry, so i just gave up and stopped 'demanding.' We think my sister may have developed insomnia in infancy as a result - she would stop crying, but not because she fell asleep - she instead remained awake and vigilant bc she was scared. I think my parents also checked on her constantly. They must have thought it was 'working' so they tried it with me. It 'worked' too because i fell asleep - eventually, after a very long time, lots of screaming, vomit, etc. All i can tell you is that if the point is to promote healthy independence,etc. all it has done for us is planted the seeds for a lifetime of insecurity, separation anxiety, mistrust, fear, panic, depression, hypersensitivity, etc. So, i would recommend questioning what it means exactly, when people say the CIO method is 'working.' Although everyone is different, I can tell you that we are 2 living, breathing examples of the major, detrimental, life long consequences it can have. Please - save your kids from a lifetime of pain and ill health - dont do it!!!!

[Margie Wheler]

Dear Alyson,
I am just amazed that I am at the end of my rope and needed to do some reading up on sleep issue and here you are, discussing exactly my circumstances on the home page! Completely on the same wave length and supporting something I was in doubt about. What is also amazing to me is that I hadn't fully recognized that my "checking back" method was actually confusing the matter - but it was clear that bed time has slowly become harder not easier. My sweet, sweet baby ( baby #3) by day is really going through something... I am always better once I have a plan. I will be going full and confident into the CIO versus my previous tried and true 'checking in " method. Children are amazing, all different, and as parents we are continually pushed to keep learning what works. Thanks, Margie

[Gunhild Knutsen]

Letting your baby lie crying in his or hers own vomit is child-abuse. Shame on you? How can you go to sleep at night, knowing your baby is calling for you the only way she/he can and know, and you are not there to comfort her/him?
Im apalled by you!

[ChristineG]

Would you let your husband cry so hard he vomit without comforting him? Or your mother? CIO is pure behaviorism, a philosophy of psychology largely eclipsed by the experts as a result of the cognitive revolution (wikipedia).

[Mom]

My son, now 4, vomited when we tried CIO. I read all the right books and really worked with him to establish healthy sleeping routines, consistent nap times, everything. Here's what I think - not all kids are the same! We did CIO at 8 mos. and it worked like a charm after 3 nights, just as the books said it would. 4 months later we went on vacation, he slept ok, but when we got home he never was able to get back into getting himself to sleep. He had fits, screamed and yelled, etc. And then puked. Everywhere. It was awful, for him more than me. I do agree that it's good for kids to learn to get themselves to sleep - but to the point where they are screaming and vomiting - I just could not do it. His pediatrician said it was ok, as above, to clean him up and put him back to bed - but by that point he would be HYSTERICAL and confused (Why did I just throw up? What just happened to me? I can only imagine what he thought.) I couldn't just put him back in his crib without soothing him and at that point I was tired and lay down with him and fell alseep. It would take an hour sometimes just to get him to relax. And even then he'd breathe that gaspy breath all night, like he was still crying. His dad could stand to hear the crying but not the vomiting, so we agreed to give up on CIO until our son was older. Again, not all kids are the same. CIO does work with some kids, I've seen it. Just like the books and people on the internet will tell you. But as far as the kids who get so worked up that they vomit - that seems like another level of sleep difficulty.

When we tried CIO again he was old enough to climb out of his crib - and tried to do so repeatedly. So we gave up CIO and tried a million other things. I know I am a good parent so I never had that doubt in my mind - was I doing the right thing, but I was exasperated up until age 4 when he FINALLY was able to get himself to sleep, on his own, without us, etc. Yes, it was hard to have a kid who hates going to bed, and yes it's probably why he'll be an only child :) And yes 3+ years is a long time to have a struggle almost every night BUT... all kids are different. You have to go with your gut. If your gut says draw the line at vomit - listen to your gut, not a book, not online. Try again later. Try when the kid is a little older. We didn't do family bed after 8 months, we had a bed in his room which made it much easier to give him his own room, but still be able to crash out with him on his bad nights. I wish someone had told me this then - not all kids are the same. And it doesn't make you weak to 'give in' and go with what you feel. Your child will not become an undisciplined hooligan if you comfort him/her after they throw up. Well, I actually can't guarantee that, talk to me in 12 years :)

[Mom]

Oh one more thing - what did work well for us was from Super Nanny. I was skeptical, really, but it worked! Sitting in the room with him and being ABSOLUTELY SILENT, no words, and moving away from him slowly each night, until eventually you are out the door and they are asleep. There's a good description on Oprah's site (I know, really, but just read it and let go of the idea that it is a TV show.) http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/con_20050121_bedtime I bought the book as well but it didn't say much more than what is on the site, still may be worth having. She doesn't purport to be a sleep expert - but for some reason the method worked better than anything else we tried.

[Annie]

Cry it out is an awful thing to do to a baby. I have discussed it more here:
http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/2008/08/11/cry-it-out-cio-is-it-harmful-or-helpful/

and here:
http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/2008/07/05/no-cry-it-out/

[angela]

i do not have a judgement to make on this view of CIO, but I would like advice:

my baby has reflux. she is an energetic 7 month old, who regularly vomits. so it stands to reason that when we have tried CIO; she vomits. not just a spit up, but everything gets covered: me -when i of course run it-, the carpet, all the bedding, etc.. and not just once, but it continues till she is empty and exhusted, and i can't stop it, once it's started!

but what do i do to get her to sleep? she wakes every 1-2 hours and needs the dummy put back in or to be rocked to sleep. as a result- i don't sleep at all.

[Janet]

Hi All, thanks for sharing your experience and thoughts. I came to this site today while googling about sleep training my 1 year old because she throws up everytime we let her cry.

I am a Mom of a 3 year old and 1 year old. I love my children (as all of you do); my children are my life (as yours for you), i.e mothers who let their child cry are not cruel, please lets agree on this...

Everyone's situation is different; every child is differetn. And each of us (the Mom) has different threshold of how much we can bear to let our children cry.

I am full time working mom. I have a Ph.D. I read almost all books about sleep training (or not). I did the training with my first child. I am not cruel. He is my life. We had to do it a few times (back from holiday, sickness etc causing the fall backs). Before we did it I always dragged and feel sad but after a few nights he always got it and we were always happy about the decision (not just for us, but for him: he is not cranky, he eats well etc etc). He is now three and bless him he goes to bed at 9 pm and up at 8 am.

With my second one, she throws up. And I just don't have the heart to let her cry. But she sleeps well almost 50% of the time so my husband and i take 25% of the time to cuddle her and the rest we get help.

My thought on this is: trust your instinct. If you are so exhausted that you cannot function as a Mom or at work, try the cry out but with support of your husband or family or let someone do it (in England there is help called night nurse). But if you for example have only one child and you don't have to go to work i.e. you can live your child's routine, stay up and keep her/him happy is not a crime if it makes you happy.

One mistake I made is have read too many books in this subject... They are all extreme (to make their point I guess). But the reality usually lies in between. And as a Mom, you know your children best. Trust your heart. (if you are so tired and you know there is nothing wrong with them, you will let them cry. Its our survival instinct)...

[Stacey Marine]

I am with you Angela! My 5 month old baby girl also has reflux..she can not cry for even five minutes without vomiting everywhere.. I'm talking 6 ounces! We tried cry it out twice and I couldn't make it through the first night. She also NEEDS her paci, it falls out about 6 to 10 times a night and I'm up popping it back in or else she won't sleep.... I need help too..exhausted! P.S. putting a chair by her crib didn't work either ( she threw up ) I think I'm going to wait until she is a little older and try CIO again... any thoughts anyone?

[Stephanie]

Do we not, as parents, work 24 hours a day? Are we not on call at all times? Or do those of you who do CIO seriously think that this is only a 10-12 hour a day job?! We are PARENTS! They grow in us 24 hours a day, in order to be PARENTED 24 hours a day! Babies do not have the stomach capacity to go so long without eating. How do you listen to the screams and cries of your children and go about your night? How do you listen to the vomiting and not, as mothers and fathers, want to do everything in your power to make things okay for them? They are CHILDREN!! They have done nothing wrong and are suddenly, when it is convenient for mom and dad, ignored and being forced to do something that is not age appropriate.

Three months and sleeping 12 hours straight?! That is absolutely crazy! That baby is most likely hungry and scared. And a 17 month old sleeping 17 hours a day?! When does he learn? When does he play? When does he interact with other people?

CIO is HORRID!!! I can't listen to my daughter (4 years old) cry over not getting the snack she wants without feeling bad for her. This does not mean I GIVE IN. But as a parent, I still feel bad that my child is upset. I don't EVER want my child to be lonely, scared, upset, or hurt because of me. My job is to make sure those things DO NOT happen to her. And CIO is completely the opposite!

[Kistine]

I am in desperate need of help. I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter & 11 week old son. My daughter had to be held for all naps and insisted on sleeping with me & my husband. 2 months before her second birthday we finally got her out of our bed. I have no regrets in giving into her every sleeping whim. I cherish all that bonding, yet having a toddler I cannot give the same sleeping luxury to my son. I have a hard time getting him to sleep in my arms without her talking too loud or wanting to kiss him. I have no family and my husband works out of town only home on Fridays & Saturdays. I am grumpy, short tempered and exhausted. I don't want him to cry falling asleep so I hold him about an hour then try to put him down. I maybe get 10 -20 minutes when the screaming starts. I have gone 20 minutes to let him cry it just gets worse. I am now trying to lie with him when he starts to cry, yet this is not working. No medical issues, very healthy and happy other than hates sleeping by himself.

[mamab]

This is awful. I cannot believe you are giving parenting "advice". A baby crying until they puke is alright in you opinion. WOW!! It's really sad that there are parents who probably listen to your advice.

We are supposed to be there for our children, not making them cry to the point of throwing up. Parenthood is not a 9-5 job, jeez, it's a choice that we make to give to our children not neglect them when they are tired and scared.

This is truly appalling.

[Sarah]

I don't understand why it is "necessary" to CIO.

I have three kids, 5, 3, and 20 months. They all sleep well, the two little ones nap regularly, and I've never once made them CIO.

I have to be honest, it seems like a truly competent parent would have the patience and perspective to be able to be more flexible and not have to resort to CIO, but Alyson disparages parents whose children are having "sleep issues" as parents who have "problems setting limits, enforcing boundaries and being effective at child guidance".

And what in the world is wrong with being "uneasy with crying?" Have you never heard anyone complain about a crying baby on an airplane?!? Of course you should be uneasy with crying!!!
Whether you believe it's evolution that did it or a gift from God, people have a built-in abhorrence to hearing a baby cry - thus compelling them to stop the crying. Babies can't talk, remember?

So how is it manipulative or demanding of them to cry? Do you expect them to calmly call out, "Excuse me, Mommy? Are you still out there? I'm just not really sure because I haven't yet developed any object permanence or learned that the world is a safe place or developed any sort of concept of time or how to use reason or even yet learned that there aren't wild animals around who might eat me up? Mommy, dearest, can you hear me? Because I'm just a very small child and my whole existence is just primed to staying safe and near my parents? Mommy? I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

[Amy]

I see the big difference between proponents of CIO and those who are against it as people who do not treat their infants with the same respect and dignity as adults and those that do.

My baby's needs are more important than my own. Of course I'm not going to sleep all night with a baby! To try to force a baby to do something so unnatural is unreasonable--and shows that you don't value the baby's rights and needs as much as your own. To force yourself to ignore your baby's crying goes against biology. You are supposed to be drawn to the crying baby and feel that deep need to comfort. Our species' survival depends on that instinct.

I don't understand it when people say they did CIO and it "worked." If by "worked" you mean taught your child that his crying is going to be ignored and his needs are not going to be met so he may as well give up on you, then fine. I guess it "worked." Personally, I want my daughter to know that I WILL help her when she needs me and I WILL be there for her when she's distressed. So what if I have a few months where I'm exhausted--I never had any unreasonable expectations for my baby daughter and I'm willing to make sacrifices so she can feel safe and loved 24 hours a day.

[Katherine]

Your advice is vile.

[Jasena, Croatia]

Dear Alison,
I find your advice to be very upsetting and dangerous.
I cry for the babies whose parents follow your advice.

Best,
J.

[Katie]

You leave your baby crying until it vomits....I don't know what to say to that. Until they vomit...shudder.

[Amanda Gabriel]

calmer children or catatonic children?

Don't demand there way because they know no one would listen anyway. CIO is child abuse given that extensive research proves it puts unwaranted stresses on under developed systems.

A cry is a child call for help - even if we don't understand why. Perhaps a bit of vomit on the sheets isn't the point everyone - it is the bigger picture that CIO is abuse, neglect and ill advised. Do more research.

[Laura]

My father in law was left to CIO for several nights. He has no control of his hard eye blinking and has horrible self esteem issues.
Letting a baby to CIO, breaks their spirit, their will, and trust. Babies need to learn trust and this is not it! It's just child abuse!

[Laura]

CIO is contrary to the instincts of the infant, which tell him it is a life or death situation if he cries out and his mother does not come for him. Anyone who has some sympathy with the theory of evolution should have the ability to think how strongly infants see their mother's presence as a matter of survival. As such, to deprive them of that comfort is immensely selfish.

[Well-Read]

It is human nature to defend one's choices and to feel defensive about one's parenting. Its important to remember that we all do the best we can. With that said, I think we CAN do better than our culture would have us do. It takes stepping outside what your parents did, how your friends suggest you handle things, or how popular magazines gloss over CIO like a normal occurrance. Popular and expedient aren't two words that I equate with good childrearing. Yet, we are often encouraged to be those things. Get back to work, get your life back, be in control. I highly suggest that people who are convinced that CIO works because their children become easier to manage do some additional thinking and research. Children become easier to manage because they stop expecting their needs to be met. Babies don't need to be "trained." Our culture is gravely mistaken if we think that saving time now and parents getting some additional nights of sleep are worth the many long-term psychological ramifications of people who have not had their needs met in infancy and childhood. Look into the Continuum Concept by Jean Leidloff, and Our Babies, Ourselves by Meredith Small.

Anthropology says human babies are born the most vulnerable of all the species and require the most time to raise to independence--as in YEARS, not weeks or months.

[Lily Eve]

"Don't been cold and distant either."

Excuse me, but this sentence is grammatically incorrect. You can't even write a sentence properly and yet you expect people to take your advice on parenting? This is by far the WORST article I have ever read. You clearly only became a psychotherapist to work on your own issues which are clearly major, if this this article is anything to go by. It's too bad that you didn't take a little more time in school to study "real" subjects like anthropology so that you could understand that babies are programmed to be looked after by their parents, even at night. Then again, psychotherapy is a great business to be in; just think of all of the messed up children you're creating by giving this bogus, irresponsible advice. These will all be paying adults one day and will need a lot of help. Clearly you were an unloved child to offer such horrid advice. And I can only hope and pray that one day, when you feel sick and vomit, anyone who is stupid enough to be with you will turn on their heel and leave you alone to deal with it. You are a disgusting excuse for a human being.

[corri]

Your an idiot. I pitty your children and only hope parents who read this are smart enough not to follow your advice.

[Ashley]

I am a 21 year old who had a terrible time sleeping, and suffer from great anxiety that something will happen to me and no one will be there to help me. I struggle to sleep well at home even when my parents are in the next room. I was left to CIO as a child and I feel that it has greatly contributed to my problems. When we as adults cry, we want to be comforted and someone to recognize our pain, why should it be any different with an infant. I will never let my babies CIO, I think that giving advice to do it is WRONG. I cannot believe that parents think it is okay, and I do have issues with my own parents because of it. So there you have it, someone who was left to CIO and has had an awful lot of problems stemming from it. Parents, PLEASE do NOT let your children cry for you, they need you, you are there to protect them and love them! Not let them cry until they vomit. PLEASE.

[Amanda in Toronto]

It breaks my heart to read that babies are left to cry until they vomit, and worse still... that someone giving this advice is considered an expert!

If you want to teach your child to self-soothe then guide their thumb into their mouth, don't let them cry till they vomit!

[amy]

"self soothing and establishing appropriate boundaries. "

Just HOW does a young infant learn to self-sooth?

I am always astounded when I hear "sleep experts" talk about this.

It's not like they can oh, think about their day, read a book, listen to the radio, surf the web.

Just what the hell is an infant doing to self-sooth? Oh, I know, lie there is despondent loneliness and dissassociate until they pass out from exhaustion. sure, they will be happy the next day. They are social. They NEEd their parents. They need interaction. But deep inside, the damage has been done.

Sad.

I grew up with the feeling my whole life that when I cry, no one comes. I am successful, out-going... but just where do you suppose that sense of no one being there for me came from?

[Waldorf PC]

I question where you get your training and why you should even call yourself a professional. Babies cannot talk, remember this? How do you know that the child is not emotionally ready to be alone? How do you know that the child is not crying because he needs reassurance? He can't tell you that because he is a baby? Babies have no vocabulary, and all they can do is cry. HOw is this manipulative? What kind of crock of bull is this? I'm so glad that I'm not your child. And believe me, my children would never ever be left in your care, even if there was an opportunity. Thank God you are a country away from me.

CIO is so horrible. It sends a message to the child that he is not guaranteed to receive comfort when needed. Not to mention, he will hate you.

I know I allow children to throw a fit, but the difference is, I'm right there so they can still see me. I am just allowing them to get their frustrations out, as i don't believe in discipline for tantrums. After about five or so minutes, I pick them up and hug them, as they have learned their lesson, and it is unacceptable to allow a child to scream, especially enough to vomit. I would never, ever allow it to get to that point. How Horrible!

It is so cold and heartless to go into another room and allow the child to scream until he vomits. If the vomitting has occured, don't you think that would be a clear sign of utter distress? Don't you?

This is so disgusting! I can't believe people actually do this! I hope that when you need comfort when you are old and feeble, believe me you will, that the nursing home staff doesn't leave you in your vomit after crying for time. Old people are like children, and they need the same type of comfort. You'll find out, as God allows people to be paid back for their misdeeds.

I try to parent on one rule, and remember this because it might, I mean it just might might might, help you.

Do unto your child as you want done to you.

This is a basic golden rule that we all learn at a very young age, and it seems that you have forgotten it: or, maybe, you were never taught it at all to start with. Just in case, here is an example.

When you think of doing something to your child or baby, think about if you'd like it done to you first. Would you want comfort and reassurance when you are sad or going through a tough time? Sure you would. Why not? It's only human versus your tactic that you so proudly advocate which is the total opposite--inhumane!

I usually can agree to disagree. I have friends who parent much different than I do: but, when things get to the level of neglect, and this is clearly neglect emotionally and physically, as you'd allow your child to sleep with SOME vomit on their sheet--I will not allow any room for disagreeing respectfully. NOT ... AT ... ALL!

And again, going back to the golden rule. Would you like to sleep with just a smidge, oh its not much but just a tiny weenie little smidge of your own puke, which really stinks, on your pillow. Yeah, I would just love to sleep in that all night. Sweet dreams and a good night while I sleep with a nice, vomit aroma which is just sooooooooo soothing! I guess that is the new fad?! An adult would never ever sleep like this, so why should a helpless baby?

Rethink what you preach.

[Jeanette]

I'm shocked that CIO is considered safe, when infants are so obviously trying to tell us otherwise. They scream for HELP even to the point of vomiting, and "experts" tell us that it is normal and okay. Follow your instincts and don't trust this terrible advice. Many of us natural-parenting mothers are discussing this article, and find it frightening and even angering. We have ways of soothing and supporting our babies that work. This method may work to get your child to sleep, but what you are sacrificing is not apparent until much later in life. Beware of this advice. Follow your insticts and NEVER ignore your baby's desperate cries for comfort.

[Jeanette]

A large part of why AP parents are unaccepting of baby-training parenting methods is that they believe that they are fundamentally wrong and detrimental. They seek respect for their own methods because they believe that they are proven effective and correct. Infants cannot regulate their own emotions - this is fact. To ask them to do so is ignorant of the developmental stages of human beings. I am very comfortable with crying, but my parenting methods have attuned me to my child's needs such that I can separate them from his wants and set limits without causing him distress. It is possible to be a firm parent with boundaries, and to vehemently denounce CIO. We ALL love our children and want to do what is best, and I beg all of you to not simply take this one article's advice to heart. Forcing your child to cry will not prove that you can set limits as a parent. Being moved by a child's crying is instinctual and important and not BAD, it's very very good! There is a way to respond sensitively AND appropriately, and I encourage everyone to look beyond this one method which you may or may not find to be cruel, and do the research yourself. Trust yourself and not the credentials of an "expert." You are the parent of your baby.

[Amy]

Wow, I have a hard enough time with even the thought of letting my baby lay there crying for me, not knowing where I am. I can't imagine being okay with them crying so hard that they vomit. I have no funny stories involving my children crying to the point of vomitign, sorry.

[Joy]

I find this advice horrific. How could leaving a baby to cry until he or she vomits be a loving act? I have a 2 and 3 year old, and both sleep great. I responded to their cries as infants, and both slept in bed with us until well into toddlerhood. Did I have nights where they woke up? Of course! Babies wake at night! What is the rush to make them independent people? The time with them as infants is so fleeting. If my baby wakes up and is hungry or cold or just want a snuggle...that's my job as their mother. With a little creativity and patience, there are ways to help them sleep without leaving them alone to cry themselves to sleep in their own vomit.

[Sarah]

Yes, teach our children that when we cry we won't come.
And then when they cry so hard they vomit- Hey, that's life kiddo! Get used to it!

Because, after all, all parenting ends when it's dark. Why do we think that babies who need comfort all day should sleep alone in a dark room and need nothing. Is that what you do? No, you sleep with someone, you want comfort when you wake.

You had a kid, people. And if the kid is not a good sleeper (as mine is NOT at 22 months still) then tough luck for you (and me!). Believe me, I've been there- I AM there.
If we did this to a disabled adult or elderly person it would be abuse. Why not a tiny baby?

It makes me so sad to see this. And, no, it is not the best thing you can do for your child. Yes, teaching them to sleep is wonderful. And it may take until they're two or more for them to learn to soothe themselves in a gentle way. Just chalk it up to the luck of the draw if yours takes longer. And, yes, it's stressful and tiring- as I said, I am speaking from experience.

Crying until they fall asleep from stress and exhaustion "works" because it wires into their brains NO ONE is coming. That's not what I am really keen on teaching my daughter.
I feel bad for all the babies who learn this as a "favor."

[Sarah]

Yes, teach our children that when they cry we won't come.
And then when they cry so hard they vomit- Hey, that's life kiddo! Get used to it!

Because, after all, all parenting ends when it's dark. Why do we think that babies who need comfort all day should sleep alone in a dark room and need nothing. Is that what you do? No, you sleep with someone, you want comfort when you wake.

You had a kid, people. And if the kid is not a good sleeper (as mine is NOT at 22 months still) then tough luck for you (and me!). Believe me, I've been there- I AM there.
If we did this to a disabled adult or elderly person it would be abuse. Why not a tiny baby?

It makes me so sad to see this. And, no, it is not the best thing you can do for your child. Yes, teaching them to sleep is wonderful. And it may take until they're two or more for them to learn to soothe themselves in a gentle way. Just chalk it up to the luck of the draw if yours takes longer. And, yes, it's stressful- as I said, I am speaking from experience.

Crying until they fall asleep from stress and exhaustion "works" because it wires into their brains NO ONE is coming. That's not what I am really keen on teaching my daughter.
I feel bad for all the babies who learn this as a "favor."

[Danielle]

Seriously? This is sick. If you're not willing to comfort your child when s/he cries, you never should have had children.
A warning to parents, do NOT follow this ridiculous advice. You should take a trip over to Dr. Sear's website.

[Jenni]

I came to this site looking for information on COI because my 8 month old doesn't sleep well at all. I've heard all kinds of negatives and was looking for positives. I tired to have an open mind but I am completely disgusted. As if it's not bad enough to leave your child to vomit on themselves in fear this person is actually asking for your favorite VOMIT STORIES???! Seriously? Are there actually parents out there that have favorite stories of traumatizing their babies?

This is sick.

[nicola]

I have tried CIO and also rocking my 1 year old until she is asleep - however she gets mad either way! Even if i am rocking her she is kicking and hitting and sometimes even biting me. I am pregnant with my 2nd child and my daughter is now getting too heavy and too strong for me to be able to hold her and rock her 2 sleep every nap and every bedtime. I have tried consistent bedtimes and then changed to taking my cues from her showing signs of tiredness but i am still having trouble. Also she will get up several times in the night (which i fully expect and understand that it is unreasonable to expect her not to do this) however she will want to play and get up, and even if she is fed and clean it will sometimes take 3 hours 2 get her back to sleep - meaning she is up from 1 - 4 and then back up again at 6! I am also having trouble with a persistant and interfering mother in law who is 100% against CIO and thinks i should rock my daughter until she is at least 2 years old. As mentioned by a previous poster - my second child will not be able to receive this same treatment. Where do i draw the line with my first child so i can care of them equally?

[GoldSpun]

you people with your oppinions....."Horrid" "cruel", give me a break!!! I realize Its difficult for a baby to learn how to self-regulate on its own but as a user of the "CIO" method with my 6 month old I can tell you THIS....the CRUELEST thing you can do is to begin a method, then feel bad and change your mind, let them cry it out one night then tend to them the next....Mine "cried it out" for 10 minutes on each 3 nights and the 4th he slept through for 11 hours....It is hard for him as is is for me to learn how to self comfort but it was FAST and boy is he happy to see me in the morning :) we have a lovely bedtime as well as morning wakeup routine and we make sure that during the day he gets LOTS of love snuggles kisses and affection...nightime is for sleeping...and the cry it out method ( if it is a torturous as you stuck up uneducated mothers think it is...dont use it....)for us mothers,fathers and babies who do...we'll be dreaming about you while you ferber or co-sleep your childs first years and your chances of a full nights sleep away....

[Satakieli]

I know this is an old article, but I just came across it today.

This is my experience so far, we're the 4th day into CIO sleep training after numerous therapist (developmental and occupational) consultations. After adenoid surgery and ultimately after over 1 year of a baby who wakes up every hour at night and only naps for 30 minutes at a time during the day.

Of course I didn't want to let him cry. But waking every hour at night was not healthy for anyone in the family, especially the baby. I have been on antidepressants since he was 5 months old, my marriage has been strained. He was fussy and horrible during the day, every day. We couldn't leave him with a sitter because he was just horrible. All because I couldn't set boundaries.

I was given a CIO book to read by one of the therapists. She said if it didn't work then we would need to do some sleep studies and tests to determine what was wrong with my baby.

It was enlightening to read the book. I have had trouble, but I have come to terms with the fact that his sleep problems are/were entirely my fault for not setting age appropriate boundaries.

Since starting CIO, he cried for 1 hour the first night and then slept until 7am. He cried for 20 minutes the second night and slept until 7am. He cried for 10 minutes last night and then slept until 7am. It hasn't been easy, it has been unbelievably awful. But the past 2 days he has been wonderful during the day... an absolute angel. I love him so, so much.

I understand CIO isn't for everyone... but it really helped our family.

FWIW, my mom let me CIO when i was a baby and I have no trouble falling asleep and have a very good relationship with my parents. My husband on the other hand was held constantly, never CIO (his mom practiced AP) and he is an insomniac, ran away from home at 15 and refuses to speak to his mother still today. I'm not blaming CIO (or lack of) i'm just saying that there are too many extraneous variables in our lives that could lead to adult problems for it to be entirely attributed to a sleep method.