Weaning Off Pacifiers

This week past week I had numerous moms asking me what I thought about pacifiers. Here is what I shared with them.

I am fine with pacifiers.  Babies need to find some soothing behaviour.  The sucking motion, be it a thumb or pacifier is their "natural way".  Some babies have been suck their thumb from the time they were in the womb!  Frantic upset moms are however, unhealthy for babies.  So if a soother in your baby's mouth soothes you - go for it.  Its not a "short coming" or "failure" to use a pacifier.

The upside to the pacifier is that you can take it away at some point while a thumb is a tempting treat on the end of you hand forever...  Its is far harder to wean thumbsuckers.

So if you have a child who loves their pacifier - that's fine in my world - but eventually they need to begin the process of weaning.  A pacifier may inhibit a child from participating in early attempts at talking. With a full mouth they may grunt and point instead of trying words.  It impedes non-verbal facial expressions that make up a big part of communication too.  I suggest at this point you limit the pacifier to certain times and areas like the car seat and their crib or bed.  Other times, the pacifier is not available.  However -- should they REALLY want their pacifier, they can choose to go have it in their room. 

This choice of having it in their room is NOT to be punitive. You are not banishing them to their room. It is about socializing versus having quiet calming privacy.

Many children prefer to stay where the action is and pass on having the pacifier.  However, some days are overwhelming and the need to soothe may be great, so they still have the option.

Eventually, you will decide that this is the last pacifier that you will be buying and when it gone, you are not replacing it.  Let your child know as soon as you buy it.  Some people even have little special ceremonies for the last pacifier.  Some invent interesting traditions.  If you thought up a creative way to say good bye to the pacifier, you can share it in the comment section.

Comments

[Katie]

I'd love to hear your approach to weaning off thumb sucking. My almost 3 year old is an avid thumb sucker - day & night - whenever she's got any down time, in goes the thumb ...

[Alyson Schafer]

Hi there,

As a matter of fact I did post a tip on thumb sucking as well.

Here is the link for you:

http://www.alyson.ca/2007/12/thumb-sucking-s.html

I hope its helpful!

Alyson

[Holly]

Thanks for this Alyson! We recently tried to wean our 3.5 year old daughter (gasp!) off the soother. She was only using it at night so we were totally Ok with that, but then she knocked her 2 front teeth lose and we were scared the soother would bend them...so, we decided it was now or never. After 6 months of restless nights, and a struggle EVERY night at bedtime, we decided recently to give it back. She is SO excited to have it back. And we are too, as we are finally sleeping through the night again. In her book "Sleeping Through the Night", Jodi Mindell, she warns against taking away the soother (if you haven't already by 1/1.5 years), to leave it until they're 4; that before then they're just not ready developmentally to leave it behind. That made me feel much better :)

[Aviva]

We have a plan that we haven't put into action, but it's a plan nonetheless. We've told our daughter (almost 3 yrs) that soon she won't be a baby any more and babies need her pacifiers. So, we need to send her pacifiers to the babies in need by tying them to helium balloons. She can wave good bye to them as they float away and she gets intrinsic reward by helping babies. We're pretty sure she'll be strong as she waves good bye to them but then night time will come and she'll be a disaster. I'm thinking about waiting until summer when she won't need to get up in the morning for school.

[Lisa]

Our 4-year-old still LOVES his soother (or soo-soo as he calls it). It really calms him down. However, he knows it's time to call it quits, too. He even brings up the topic himself.

I read an article on Lance Armstrong's wife letting her little guy throw the soother out the window of the car to say good-bye but, that just isn't good for the environment. Perhaps there's another, better "good-bye" ceremony that won't impact the environment.

[Krista]

When our son, Brady, was born he was instantly a soother lover! He had such a strong grip on that soo-soo. When he turned 1, he was only allowed to have his soo-soo in bed and on road trips. By his second birthday, I knew I needed to come up with a plan to get rid of his soo-soo. I wanted my son to participate in the decision to get rid of his soo-soo and came up with the idea of a creating a story for him about his soo-soo. I am a teacher and have used stories with students to teach various social skills.

The first page of the book had a few pictures of Brady as a baby with his soo-soo in his mouth and said: "When Brady was a baby, he needed a soo-soo to help him feel good". The second page had a picture of Brady today and said "Now Brady is a big boy and big boys don't need soo-soos anymore". The next few pages highlighted various activities that Brady the BIG BOY CAN DO. For example, "Big Boys can go skating with dad. But NO soo-soos" (here there was a picture of him skating with dad). The story continued with other things big boys can do. The last page concluded that "Big boys don't need soo-soos anymore".

Brady LOVED this story. At this age, they love looking at pictures of themselves and the story was so real to him. We read the story at least ten times (again mommy!!). I was really dramatic while reading and emphasized the key points. I asked Brady if he thought he should go get his soo-soo and throw it in the garbage because he's a big boy now......and it worked! At bedtime that night, my husband and I laughed as we heard him reciting the book through the baby monitor. It was priceless and made a big impact on him! We celebrated his decision (well....a highly influenced decision, but nonetheless.....it was HIS....he owned it), and phoned Grandmas to share the big news. He loved telling everyone that his was a big boy and his soo-soo is in the garbage now....followed by a "YEY BRADY!".

Brady is 2 years old and 3 months. I found this to be the perfect age for him to understand and participate in the soo-soo weaning. It may be different for others....but for him, he has good language skills and was able to communicate and understand what was happening. I'm glad I didn't "BAN" the soo-soo.....as he wouldn't have understood and felt very sad.....but I'm also glad that I didn't wait too long to do this. I hope this story helps other moms. I never would have imaginied in A MILLION YEARS that soo-soo weaning would have been this successful. I owe it to my handy dandy personalized soo-soo story. We haven't had any tears over the soo-soo....it's been amazing.

[Brigitte]

My autistic 5 year old daughter still uses her pacifier (aka her "nuk") at bedtime and when there is a meltdown situation. However, she is able to understand now that she is not a baby anymore and that she must give it up very soon.

I have come up with a "tooth fairy" like idea for getting her off of her nuk.

Before she turned five years of age I started telling her stories about a "nuk fairy" who, like the tooth fairy, will fly down while she is sleeping and take away her nuk's, leaving her a very special toy/treat as a way of saying thank you and then the nuk fairy will take those nuk's and give them to a baby who really needs it. We have been talking about this now for about 3 months and I am planning for this event to take place in March.

By talking about this event so much I find that now she is actually looking forward to the Nuk fairy coming and she often initiates the conversation, she's even picked out the toys that she is hoping that the Nuk Fairy will leave her.

Beginning to sound a lot like Christmas! :)

I pray this works!

[Bambi]

I have twin daughters who are about to turn 1. One sucks her thumb, but only at nap and bedtime and the other loves her paci. We have weaned her from it during the day, but no such luck at bedtime and at nap. She loses it constantly at night regardless how many are in the crib they eventually make it to the floor. So she isn't getting a goodnight sleep, her sister isn't and we definitely are not. I guess I just need to get up the courage to not give it to her, but her crying makes that difficult. I am going to give it a try.

Thanks!

[Rebecca]

Wow, a lot of excuses from parents. Less talk and more action is needed. It's obvious that the longer you wait, the more attached they'll be. Take it away early and never give it back. There is no reason by a child needs to have the so-called 'soother' in it's mouth beyond 12 months, even if it's just at sleep time.

I've seen so many parents use it as a plug for their children, to keep them quiet! If that's the case, they really should design an adult-size one for many people I know.

Every time you give them the soother, you're feeding your child's dependency, rather then helping. Once they are old enough to understand, they may question why you gave it to them for so long and then expect them to give it up. I can't even answer that question, because there is no real 'need' for it whether the child is 1 or 4.

[Amy]

I am curious to know if Rebecca is a parent.

[Dalia]

Rebecca, are you a parent?

just curious to know how u sooth ur baby if u have any? maybe u can share ur experiences so we can learn from them..

[Kristen]

On Wednesday, I am beginning the process of getting rid of my 10 month olds soother. My daycare will not allow them and she starts in Oct. The soothers never leave the crib. Any tips?? As well, is it possible to not give her a soother at nap and have them at bedtime.
As well, my just turned 3 year old is an avid thumb sucker who has already seen a dentist regarding the huge gap between her top and bottom teeth from thumb sucking. I figure all my savings will go to an orthodontist later in life.
Help regarding the soother would be greatly appreciated

[Lara]

My son, Adrian is 16 months old. He has been using a pacifier since birth. I dreaded the process of weaning him off of it. We limited use of the pacifier to bedtime and in the car seat but he was very attached to it. Still, at his age, he would wake in the night unable to find it and we would have to get up and find it for him to put him back to sleep.

Two days ago, he started a new daycare. This (WONDERFUL) caregiver had the foresight and experience to stop and think, "hey, I have an opportunity here. He doesn't know the routine here quite yet. If I don't give him the pacifier, maybe he will realize that's just not how it works here." When I went to pick up my son, she told me that he had fallen asleep at naptime without it- and with a minimal amount of fussing. I decided, (she inspired me) to give this a shot at bedtime. Last night I put him to bed without his "soosie" as he calls it. He looked around as I laid him down and said "soosie?" I kissed him and said goodnight.

As big a skeptic as I was- he ACTUALLY went to sleep almost immediately without it. AND- he slept without waking looking for it for the first time in - well, I can't remember how long. For all of you who are concerned about whether or not your child can do it- I offer my story as inspiration. Your child may just surprise you!

[Kristen McDade]

So I too have had an easy time with weaning from the soother. It took three nights of crying to go to sleep but my 11 month old daughter slept peacefully throughout the night. Who would of thought that taking away the soother would help my baby sleep better during the night.

[Tammy Delaney]

I am in the process of weaning my 2 1/2 year old from her soother. She previously only used it for bedtime/naps and the car. Now, the soother fairy has come and taken them all away for babies that need them. The soother fairy brought a couple of gifts because she knew that she would be sad that the "soosie" was gone. But, we told her that they are gone now. It's night one, so, lots of crying...it has taken almost 2 hours for her to settle herself to sleep with lots of encouragement/patience and loving from both my husband and I. I only hope that it only takes a few more nights before the "soosie" is a thing of the past!!

[Tammy Delaney]

Update: So, the crying on night 2 lasted all of 10 minutes..and it was more of fuss..so, for those dreading it...just stick with it...don't cave in and you'll be rid of the soother in a matter of days!!

[Bella]

I was having major problems with my son's binky addiction! My friend absolutely raved about the cut method, and all of the psychology behind it. She emailed me a link to a site that has a free publication ( www.bye-bye-binky.com -supported by advertisements) on dropping the binky, so I tried it. Very cool stuff, worked beautifully for my son. Four days later he did not want anything to do with his binky. Highly recommended! I am also interested in others experiences with this method.... Bella

[Cynthia]

I totally agree with Rebecca. Children need parent's to make the decisions for them, not the other way around. And yes, I have children.

[Katherine]

Hello All - Thank you for sharing your stories. My daughter is 22 months old and she has been using her "passy" for nap and bedtime only for as long as I can remember (she never really cared for it in public or when she was around us). Last night I told her the passy went flying in the sky to all the new little babies and passy's were yuckyfor big girls and owies for teeth and only babies need passy's. She cried for about 10 minutesthe first night with no passy. I went and explained the story again and she cried for another 10 minutes and finally went to sleep and slept through the night. Today at nap time that was a different story, she actually got out of her todler bed for the first time (twice after I yelled at her both times). She then cried for about 20 minutes and finally want to sleep (I just checked on her). I feel like a very mean mom because of all the tears and sadness. After reading other stories you are right we need to realize as parents we should not allow our children to be dependent on a pacifier for too long it just teaches bad habits and could lead to teeth issues. It is so hard not cave in and I just hope we do not have go through the tears and crying for too many nights. Tough love only makes them stronger, right?

[Alyson Schafer]

How is it going now with the "passy"

Alyson

[LAURA]

Thank God for this conversation! I am a wreck. My daughter is 17 months old, and a wonderful sleeper... when she has her 'dooda' (as the Croatian's call it). She did arouse occassionally during the night to find another when she lost one, but would go right back to sleep after finding another in her crib. Her dooda's started to fall apart, so of course, I got rid of them, till there were no more! (or so I thought).
The first night, she cried and cried and cried. My husband, being the softy, picked her up to sooth her and tried to rock her for 25 min. while she SCREAMED! I knew, that wouldn't work...
I, having to be the toughy, put her back to bed, let her cry a bit (heartbreaking!), but after 15 min. she fell asleep. That 1st night she slept well.
2nd day, she only napped for 40 min (vs. 1 1/2 hours). And at night, she went to bed immediately. HOwever, woke up NUMEROUS times in the middle of the night screaming and crying for periods of 10 min. or so. And then back to sleep. OF course I was up all night watching her in the monitor.

Today, she WOULD NOT nap. And, as a result, was VERY cranky. I tried to put her for a late nap when I got home from work, but she cried and cried and cried, and just couldn't get to sleep.

I've just laid her down, at her usual bedtime, 8pm, she went to sleep happily, and *fingers crossed* she'll have a restful night. Lord knows I NEED ONE!
Keep your fingers crossed for me... I'm teetering on the edge of giving her the soother I found in our bed sheets yesterday!!! And my heart wrenches when I see her so sad, and distraught and tired. I'm trying REALLY hard not to give it to her.

So, again, I am SO glad for this conversation... it reminds me that I just have to stick it through... and reinforces the fact that she's at the age where it's now or never... so to speak...

[Alyson Schafer]

Glad you are finding the site and parent's comments / stories helpful. Please keep posting your stories!

Alyson

[hilary]

My first daughter gave up her soother when she was three and a half years of age after her new baby sister came home from hospital, which I was very surprised at. She decided for herself she was not coerced by myself or her dada we just let her be and she decided this for herself. People need to chill out about the whole soother debate. We give our babies the soothers and then when it doesn't suit us the parents we just expect them to give them up because they're too "old" for one. My second daughter is currently "obsessed" with her soother but to take it away would be cruel because we started her on the soother road to addiction. Also soothers are sooo much better than thumb sucking. Leave the babies alone, they'll give up the soothers when they're ready to do so. Its only for a very short time in the grand scheme of things.